Eh

Sometimes, I have a dream, that when I wake up, I am lost for a second thinking it was true, and then there is this moment of sadness where I realize that it's not true. I did that last night. I was dreaming that I had married Ray, and we where having a baby, and I was trying to tell everybody but I couldnt get ahold of anyone. When I woke up...I thought, " Oh that's so funny! I can't wait to tell babe!" but then I realized...he's not there anymore. It happend so suddenly and so out of the blue, for me at least,that it's like feeling like I phantom limb I lost. There are better days then others, usualy if I work out hard, it makes it easier to throw myself into other thoughts, but days like today...when I wake up thinking about him...it's hard. One day I was getting kisses and hugs and " I miss you baby!" and the next day...nothing.

My meds are going pretty good though. The only thing that is still hard is how tired they make me feel. It's like I've stayed awake for three days and just ran a mile. Next week will be the real test! Back to school!