Skeezy

I'm a little worried about Oprah. I'm watching her tell this lady that she's fat and that even though she " Feels happy" she's really not. I just lost a lot of faith in Oprah. The women she's talking to is very beautiful, young and not even that over weight. Her husband is a skeez, he's hitting on other women in the gym and asking them if they thought he was cute and than telling them they where cute. I'd sock my husband if that was me.

This is what happens when your old, tired, and alone

this is why I always am in bed

The days

I just pissed of a really good friend of mine. Arguing about work non the less and now they wont even talk to me. I feel like shit. You know how there's always that one person, regardless of what's going on, you always have them? The person that you can depend on? What do you do when they get mad and go away? Well I suppose sitting her crying about it wont fix anything. However, I wish it would because A LOT of stuff would be fixed by now.

Really?

Serious? Hmmm, I'm looking over this entire blog, thinking now, what time I've wasted being this person, when all the while, I could of been somebody else. Does that ever get you? Somebody called me " Serious" today. That hurt, I know it wasn't meant as a cut, or an insult, but it did hurt. Am I really in my head too much? Over thinking things? Relating to much? Do I give that creepy " ODD" kid stare to much? I've grown up around people whom placed 0 interest in the " Thought". Maybe I was just to grown-up for high school, but that's how I felt all through it. How DID I get to be this person? It's odd, because my first thoughts where..." Wow...Why am I so messed up? And when did that happen?" Why should I even go there, I should be able to know I'm not messed up, believe that I'm normal, just different, and why should I still be thinking about it? Hughh, he had me pegged to...Sad "Collette! Why are you so quiet? You'll probably go home and blog this all!"
And so to end this one, I'll leave you with this...
There is nothing greater in life...Than to watch your boss do a victory dance that was like something that resembled a seizure and a YMCA party mix. Ok?

If you have one...

I'm excited! I have a ticket to the giants game tomorrow! How exciting is that! It's with a lot of my co-worker/friends which will be fun. The bad thing is that I have the ticket...But I don't have a ferry ticket! Which I hear is like, impossible to purchase! I'm screwed! I need to get on that damn ferry! Haha, Oh well if I don't because I just figure that I'll at least of tried and who knows maybe somebody is driving up there and will give me a ride. Why don't I drive? Yeah, Me? San Francisco? Hahahahahahahha....hahahahahaha.....hahahahaha.

It hurts still

My arm hurts, tetanus shots are the work of the devil!

Other than that I'm doing better. I got a bought of the flu, however I'm surviving. I went to the doctor and in very doctor terms, the not sleeping, odd sickness, depression, all leads to my " Overly stressfully job". I didn't think about that. Strange enough, I always believed that I could in one way or another leave the fact that I deal with people yelling at me all day behind at work. In some ways I am able to do this...But it still effects me. I need to get another job!
Oh shit, I planned on a bigger blog, but my laptop is dyeing, I shall be back later!

Tired

Maybe it's because of the extreme lack of sleep I'm running on here...But the mood swings will kill me more than the cigarette's will. One minute I'll be doin good...Than something will happen and I'll be on a rampage like non other. And "NO" don't go there, it's NOT that time of the month. I have two hours if I want to get any sleep in and I'm thinking it should happen soon. Well...Almost 1.5 hours.

My Tossed Pony

I always thought it was odd that I notice so much about other people. I look at things like how what they say when they are embarrassed, things in such a way that it seems like I can almost predict what they might do in some instances. Maybe it's the management in me or maybe it's the psychology but what I really am saying is the funny part is that I notice a lot about other people and about 1% about myself. I know some things , like my defense mechanism's such as using humor and being defensive, but I never looked at how my attitude might some how play into how others perceive me. Why? This I might be able to understand a little bit better because I know it's probably because as a younger " Collette" I had such a sense of " Nothingness" that I focused on finding out what made me nothing and everybody else something. I spent so long doing this sometimes it's hard for me to figure out what I need to work on because I shut that part of my brain off. I'm so use to looking at life as if I Whern't here, that I forget that I'm a person too. It's hard for me to realize that sometimes my appearance plays into what people might think about me. I'm not dirty or some odd shape, but lets just say that my hair isn't always done, and my shoes arrant always sparkling, I'm ok with this, and appearance isn't what I base who I think others are, but Just from work alone, people can be cruel about what I choose to wear. However low you might think retail is, you shouldn't be surprised to find those people who are working just to work. They have the couch bags and the CC glasses, they take trips to Japan 3 times a year and they only will eat at restaurants that have silk napkins. I have nothing but the most respect for them, and in most cases they are my good good friends, but they somehow where born with " that gene". The Gene I would like to call the " Because I said so" gene. These are people who will demand what ever they think to be performed and they never happen to see anything wrong with that. Because they have the money to get their nails and hair done once a week, everybody else should. My hair should never be " Tossed" in a pony, maybe I should look into getting it professionaly blown out once a week and than get some highlights and than I should wear it down and around my face...Which needs makeup...Not cheap target makeup either, sophia $50 makeup.

I'm sorry people, I live at home, go to college and work at target, If I HAD the money to do that shit, than I wouldn't be looking like this. Even if I did have that money...Would I be as so vain to spend it on these things? Yeah, I said prolly, but that's besides the point. I'm tired of working with people who talk to me like I'm so nasty and dirty. Tell me everyday how I " Could" be so pretty, how I look sick because..." Well maybe it's your eyes, your not wearing makeup" maybe it's all the times they tell me my shirts are wrinkled. Could I just say...I sit in a class for 3 hours before I get to work and sitting in a desk, not moving, in a jacket...will do that. Maybe they should look in the mirror and realize that they are living a life based on a lie. A lie that says if your not perfect than you will die, un married, un lived and un happy. Either that or I need to become Rich.

Pondering makes me sleepy

Is it wrong to truly wrong to love being alone? I don't just love it, but need it. "Being" with somebody has practically taken on a completely different meaning in my head. I was thinking what it would truly be like to live in the city, and the thought of being around so many people made me rethink my Idea until I realized, there's nothing more lonely than being around lots of people and being truly away and alone. Since I was a child I have always craved that need to be alone. My time to either calm my insane thoughts or to sooth my happiness with a reality pep talk. However, why alone? Are we pre designed to have these built in desires? Alone, together, close but apart, far but together? Is this how different people are? Or is it that we all are puzzle pieces living for the one true fit in which everything will come together and life will be meaningful? The cheesy is always possible.

Because Im not

Tomorrow Rosa, Lexi and I will be going out to the city. San Francisco that is! I couldn't be more excited! I thinkin of waking up early, getting coffee, doing my hair, getting a nice outfit put together, and going shopping. Maybe I've been watching to much " Sex in the City" and for some reason I now want to become this chic, coffee drinking, smart shopping, wise sexy women. Why? Easy...Because I'm not!

When he sings, it's cute...fyi

People keep freaking out over the idea that cell phone and now wireless accessories are all cancer causing. Why however, do people not care? Is it because they simplify life to a level we are willing to risk our health for them? In my case I believe that's the case. I wonder if people are mistaking simplifying for saying we don't have to live as long because we are using less time to run our lives. Are we as a society proving that we don't have the passion to live like the years before us? Sometimes I wonder and I wouldn't be surprised if this came out to be true in some instances.

Jump Drive

I have to say... i have become the ultimite geek. I bought a jump drive for my computer and can I say, it's awsome!