My Tossed Pony

I always thought it was odd that I notice so much about other people. I look at things like how what they say when they are embarrassed, things in such a way that it seems like I can almost predict what they might do in some instances. Maybe it's the management in me or maybe it's the psychology but what I really am saying is the funny part is that I notice a lot about other people and about 1% about myself. I know some things , like my defense mechanism's such as using humor and being defensive, but I never looked at how my attitude might some how play into how others perceive me. Why? This I might be able to understand a little bit better because I know it's probably because as a younger " Collette" I had such a sense of " Nothingness" that I focused on finding out what made me nothing and everybody else something. I spent so long doing this sometimes it's hard for me to figure out what I need to work on because I shut that part of my brain off. I'm so use to looking at life as if I Whern't here, that I forget that I'm a person too. It's hard for me to realize that sometimes my appearance plays into what people might think about me. I'm not dirty or some odd shape, but lets just say that my hair isn't always done, and my shoes arrant always sparkling, I'm ok with this, and appearance isn't what I base who I think others are, but Just from work alone, people can be cruel about what I choose to wear. However low you might think retail is, you shouldn't be surprised to find those people who are working just to work. They have the couch bags and the CC glasses, they take trips to Japan 3 times a year and they only will eat at restaurants that have silk napkins. I have nothing but the most respect for them, and in most cases they are my good good friends, but they somehow where born with " that gene". The Gene I would like to call the " Because I said so" gene. These are people who will demand what ever they think to be performed and they never happen to see anything wrong with that. Because they have the money to get their nails and hair done once a week, everybody else should. My hair should never be " Tossed" in a pony, maybe I should look into getting it professionaly blown out once a week and than get some highlights and than I should wear it down and around my face...Which needs makeup...Not cheap target makeup either, sophia $50 makeup.

I'm sorry people, I live at home, go to college and work at target, If I HAD the money to do that shit, than I wouldn't be looking like this. Even if I did have that money...Would I be as so vain to spend it on these things? Yeah, I said prolly, but that's besides the point. I'm tired of working with people who talk to me like I'm so nasty and dirty. Tell me everyday how I " Could" be so pretty, how I look sick because..." Well maybe it's your eyes, your not wearing makeup" maybe it's all the times they tell me my shirts are wrinkled. Could I just say...I sit in a class for 3 hours before I get to work and sitting in a desk, not moving, in a jacket...will do that. Maybe they should look in the mirror and realize that they are living a life based on a lie. A lie that says if your not perfect than you will die, un married, un lived and un happy. Either that or I need to become Rich.