236

236.
I now weigh 236.
I gained 2 pounds a few days ago, and it had me really depressed thinking how I've reached that weight where I'm going to have an impossible time getting it off.

But I am now 236. Which...let me tell you my dear reader, is magical. Pure magic. Something I don't often tell people is that I was once almost 300lbs. Being in my 20's and weighing that much was the most depressing thing to ever happen to me. I wanted to die every day and the relationships I put myself in where so unhealthy. It's funny how you can see these things now that you are much farther away but at the time, I felt like these people where the only thing keeping me together. Funny thing is, I'm realizing slowly that...I don't need anybody! I don't need a man, I don't need my parents, I don't need friends, what I'm saying is not that I don't want these people around, but that I don't need them to hold my hand and point me in a direction anymore. At least a lot less then I used to.

So when I weigh myself, and I see that I am no longer at the top of the obese scale, and the clothes that I used to wear and not zip up, are now way to big for me, I almost break out in tears just getting dressed.

Granted I'm not a skinny mini, I still have fat rolls, and I still feel like hiding under layers, but...today I am celebrating 236 and soon I will celebrate 235 and then 234 and each and every pound will feel like an entirely new world for me. So get used to this! I'll be back every week, happy, proud, and ready to attack each new day and each new pound.