Not so sleepy

Why can't I sleep? It's been three nights since I've been able to sleep and even then it was only after I gave in to taking medicine. My head slowly lowers to the cold sheets and I can feel my skin beginning to relax and in that same moment, a gate of emotions open and flood my peace. It a mix of what if's and remember when's. What if I worked harder? Am I destine to become hateful and sloth like with everything I attempt? Wow, I remember when I got to hang out with people out of work, I felt so different from where I had been...I wonder if my new job will be like that. I think about how screwed I am because it took me three years to become comfortable where I was, how am I ever going to find happiness somewhere else? And then I start to think about the boy; how long before this is gone? Where has being giddy gone? Why am I worried? Why aren't I worried? Why does everybody hate my decisions? What happened to my friends? What happen to my happiness? What happened to my sleep?