Gap Inc.

I had a horrible horrible awful dream last night. I woke up and in what only girls may understand, I cried for 2 hours straight. In other news, I GOT A JOB! I'm working like an hour away at GAP. Score! I make a LITTLE bit better then what I was at Target, but it's still an hour away! I need tires, and a check up on my car, then it needs to be smoged still! But then I also need to pay my insurance and car payment! But what Im looking forward to the most is building my wardrobe! It's going to be NICE!

Bo-dega!

Fixing the mistake

It started early this morning. Nagging at me deep inside my dreams. Planting a seed that grew into the horrible ugly feeling that was today. I want to crawl into a hole and cover myself forever, maybe jump off the top of the tallest coffee shop and burst into million of tiny pieces. I don't know what started this. I made my way home tonight crying as I made every turn, thinking " OMG...What the hell am I doing??????" everything I bring myself back to is " There could be worse! Think about it collette! You could be in a horrible car accident...Then again you can't drive your car for much longer because it's no longer registered...But thankfully you have your health....But you also don't have health insurance..." LAME!!! I wish I could just be happier, JUST BE HAPPY COLLETTE!! Just, get a job, just work, and do it better then ever! Okay?

Why is she making out with that guy she doesn't know? Isn't that her mom's doctor?

This lifetime movie I'm watching...Makes no sense. And I'm messing up my nails to tell you all this random nonsense

Groups of familiarity

Nothing to post as of yet. No job, No life. My time is split between the boyfriend and the bestfriends. I've taken up cooking and cleaning. There's a new me slowly growing out of the old shell of familiarity. I'm taking pictures again and I'm loving them regardless of their quality. I'm happy for moments at a time and for once in such a long time...I can say I'm doing the right thing. I really want to focus on getting a good job. I was looking for something outside of retail and more along the lines of photography or Office work, but things seem to be moving slowly.

I posted my resume on Monster.com which can I say, is awesome! I've gotten two calls regarding my experience and so far they seem promising.

Well...Time to finish my nails, this week is Dark Maroon!

FYI

Kohls sucks, Mervyns sucks, and River Rock Casino Sucks. Fyi bitches!

oh really?

YELLOW You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Could I not have been looking for a job! Could I not somehow end up with a resume site that has ads for Boston red sock poker sets? Ehhk, im over it, now i just feel completely awful, kohls are ass holes!

Im happy...Yeah!

It stings and burns, and as I cry the feeling goes from my face and seems to lump into my chest. It hurts and it's a relief all in one odd turn. I miss him making cute funny faces and making me watch scary movies against my will. It's been not even a full day and I miss all these things. I miss him telling me he misses me already, 5 min out side of his door. I miss him brushing my hair out of my face, then attacking me with a wild un-expected kiss.
I guess this is how it was supposed to be. I feel lonely, and have for a little bit now. I need somebody to be drunk with me, love me unconditionally, insanely, fully, and madly. I want somebody to miss me and still give me my space. I need somebody. I'm already lonely. I keep trying to fill in my time already. Make little tasks and do stuff...OMG! I just realized...I lost my job and my boyfriend. Fuuuuck me!

Being out of work gives you time....

Well on my vacation I've learned....

the first 7 letters of the sign language alphabet

Most of the entire Numa Numa song

There are approximately 9 different kinds of law in orders and csi's

Cheers is always welcoming

By bedroom can double as a fall out shelter

and last but not least...It's really hard to not spend money when you have it and want to save it, but it comes really easy when you don't have any at all!

Im such a photographer, it's lame haha

......that's my " Hmmm, where am I gunna get my next paycheck...." face!

Not so sleepy

Why can't I sleep? It's been three nights since I've been able to sleep and even then it was only after I gave in to taking medicine. My head slowly lowers to the cold sheets and I can feel my skin beginning to relax and in that same moment, a gate of emotions open and flood my peace. It a mix of what if's and remember when's. What if I worked harder? Am I destine to become hateful and sloth like with everything I attempt? Wow, I remember when I got to hang out with people out of work, I felt so different from where I had been...I wonder if my new job will be like that. I think about how screwed I am because it took me three years to become comfortable where I was, how am I ever going to find happiness somewhere else? And then I start to think about the boy; how long before this is gone? Where has being giddy gone? Why am I worried? Why aren't I worried? Why does everybody hate my decisions? What happened to my friends? What happen to my happiness? What happened to my sleep?

Being truly poor

So many things are climbing though my mind lately. Maybe it's just exposure to too much TV. Considering I no longer have a job at Target, I am left to vegge out in depression in front of Oprah and Dr. Phil, every other day I turn my shows to law and order then Back to Oprah.
Today Oprah is discussing the " invisible poor". She's walking through houses of people who have no running water, or have completely amazing living conditions. What gets me is...Oprah, people of her such standard, give all these " Amazing gifts" we all heard about the cars she gave her audience, what about the beauty makeovers, the new room makeovers, all of this, it must of cost an arm and a leg...But then she can walk through the houses of the people she's calling the " real victim's" and do nothing for them. If we took one day off, one day from special shows, special gifts, took every thing we put into " Making us" better, and put it into helping people who have to sell their blood to make a living, then maybe we would be a lot better off.
On that same note, I want to move out of Santa Rosa. I want to be able to provide for myself, and work towards doing what I really want to do. Sometimes, I realize what a photo can mean to the realization of at least one person. I see things so differently then some people. I don't know how that happened, but it makes me want to help others see what I see when I see children living on the side of the streets.

Depression vs. Boredom

5 Things to be depressed about:
1. Not having a job
2. Feeling sick as a dog
3. Being In debt
4. Having a huge phone bill
5. Friends that aren't

5 Things to Be happy about:
1. The smell of books
2. The Drew Cary show
3. Boyfriends
4. Raiding the refrigerator
5. Marching Bands

Why can't I find somebody like me? Not somebody to date, or something like that, but just somebody to hang out with and know. I miss being able to have somebody to say " Blah blah blah...you know?" and them actualy being able to say " YEAH!".
Why am I fighting with Robert about internet connections? That's lame

LAME

I almost just started something very disruptive. What was lacking was a huge chunk of stable facts. I'm INSANE! Ok? I did something so stupid! It serves me right! At least I found my facts before I went crazy on this person! Dear god! That would of been embarrassing!
....I'm still bothered about work!