Fuzzy life

Life is getting bumpy lately. Things are becoming sure, and then unsure, then safe and then not safe...Life is becoming...Life. It's hard for me to sometimes look at the bright side of things but I try to remind myself that things will get ugly just as easy as things might become pretty again. Bills, boyfriends, food, sickness, it's all rolled into what's running through my mind and for some reason...im not that worried and by that fact...I am worried. I am however looking forward sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to spending tonight with Robert. Dinner and a movie we both have been wanting to see. I love it! Maybe a nice glass of wine with a great Italian dinner, and then settling in to a sweet movie for two. Im excited!

Robert has been there for me in these past couple weeks. I admire a person who is willing to do what it takes to be a good friend and put forth the effort to see their dreams through. I want tonight to be special for us, we both deserve it.

here's me wondering if I should go get a new outfit for tonight... Part of me kinda wants one and the other half is buried under bills, I need to get more things for work...But I also need to eat this week...Can I just say...In my fridge right now their is nothing!

Whoops!

Life is strange. How does one person spend so much time trying to understand something they know is the greatest mystery of all time?

I got really messed up last night and forgot to not tell people my life story...wooops!

Poor

It's thursday morning and I got paid tuesday. I'm Poor already. This is fucking deepressing.

Sippen

When I wake up in the morning, It's nothing but a reminder that I'm just what I didn't think I would ever become. By night fall, I'm just as delusional as usual.

I'm going to kill you!

The funniest quotes of the week are as follows:

"your birthday was when? Are you sure?" - Another Gap Employee

" Can't you..you know, Find it in another store? Like Go on the Computer (Does a typing mime act) do some voodoo and find me that jacket? - retarded Client

Other then people being stupid work has been pretty nice. The managers got me a cake yesterday and sang me happy birthday which was sweet of them. Then for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to make an ass of myself. There's this guy who works with me who does not stop talking, For three hours straight, he Talked no joke. So I, being the smart ass I am, says " Who put @#$% on the closing shift? Because I'm going to KILL them!" This is when the head manager goes " It was me!" and I then turn to her and say..." Well your a dead women!" Maybe I will get more days off next week then expected...Smart move collette!

Thank you...

It was 21 years to the very date. 21 years ago, I was brought into this world. Sum my life up in one post? Not really, however I feel the need to say this.

I am for once, Happy. Maybe that's what has been scaring me so much lately. I remember to the very day in high school when I decided to end everything. I remember sitting in class, looking at life happening around me and thinking how everything and everybody hurt me. Their happiness, their living factor made me want to give up.

I also remember the first day of high school when I was walking through the halls and it was as if something hit me...It just felt different. I was living, and it was me, not somebody else's life that was effecting me, it was ME! I kept waiting for the speaker, the teacher, the friend, the person, who was ready to reach out and touch me, reach out and make since, make my world somehow fall into place...And it never happened. I got bored and decided to do it for myself. If I didn't make that jump, if I never woke up and decided not to die, what would of happened? Where would I be? Not here that's for damn sure!

The life Vibe

I'm waiting for life to start. It's a feeling balling in behind my eyes, between my toes, vibrating in my stomach, looking for a road to diverge within. I live between the lines and from these lines I draw my future. I want to live, walk away and breath for the first time. The feeling of boredom seems to take hold of my body and plant me into the ground I walk. Make me wake up! Make me live, make me enjoy the air in which I draw for life. Make me

Yaaaayyy!

Oh dear god i forgot how good this feels! It's been ages since I last had a computer in my place and now that I finely do I will be back again on a normal basis. Wow...Lots has accrued in the past month or so. I moved out, became single, experienced so much in such a little time, it's hard to know where to start.
Hmmm, lets see, work has been going pretty good. Lets hope I'm not jinxing it there.. And it seems moving out was a great Idea for me because it has really meant so much for me to be able to describe myself as a person because I don't have mommy and daddy standing over my shoulders now. Not that I don't miss them, Because I do and I know they miss me. My mom has taken the move very well, but my dad...It's been rough. I can see why, I am the baby and the last one to leave and I did it at a relatively young age (comparing to my sisters at least). I need to get on my money status now though...I say this as I type on my new computer.... haha.
As for love? That's going to have to wait. Not enough time, not enough people. Collette has very little patience.
And roommate living you ask? I love her, she's been great, it's not hard to live with her and im surprised even though I should of known considering we have been friends for 20 years now.
Speaking of years...I will be 21 next week...Not to sure how I feel about that. It's neither here...nor there I propose, however I am told I will love it.

Post #504

There are few and less reasons as to why I have been forgetful in posting lately. One of them being as usual, work. Second, I've been trying to get things in order to move out. In wich I have and am now spending my second night in my new apartment. It's fun, completely scary and a little boring. Even though all that sounds fun and dandy I also am re-learning my singlehood. Boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago and regardless how I feel about it, I'm still adapting to not having him there. There as in my mind, there as in my car, in my new apartment, on my phone, at dinner, in the mall, in my arms...It's really hard to quite cold turkey something you have had for 7 months. It's also hard realizing as I am this very second that I left home, the place where I've lived for 21 years. I'm gunna miss hearing the kids every morning, my mom every night, my dad in the afternoon...It was stability and now everything I have is in limbo, on me. I don't like this choking feeling. When I started this weblog I told myself I wanted to be honest and I need to remember to try to achieve that. I miss my home, I miss my family, I miss my boyfriend and I miss being sure of things. I fought way to much with the boy...Why was that? It's not the unhappy times I remember and trying to think of them, I can't. I'm sure I might if I was given time or examples...But right now, all I can remember is waking up next to him brushing my face with his hand, or our first awkward date or how he makes that face when he thinks I'm not looking...I need to get over it. We arrant in love.

Second of all, Hello it's fucking cold in this bitch!

Single white fat female

It's like a band aid...You have to take it off quickly but it sure as hell doesn't make it not sting after. Being single is like being fat, when your skinny, it's easy to be happy about who you are and how you do, but when your fat, you can tell the whole world to fuck off with all the confidence in the world.