स्लीप

I've lost 0.4 lbs a day every day for the past week. ROAD BLOCK! Makes me sad :( I've cut my calories down to 1500 or lower with 30min of cardio a day. I would be doing more but I am soo incredibly sore I can barely move my arms above my head.

I'm trying not to eat my emotions. It's pretty difficult. I keep telling myself cliches to make myself feel better, " It will all be better in time," it doesn't seem to be working that well. I just seem to be working out my anger instead which isn't healthy either. I want so desperately to be healthy entirely that I'm not willing to put up with this. My best friend thinks I am jealous of him and his girlfriend just because I don't want to hang out with them as a couple. Why don't I? Because it's strange!? Like I don't see you nuzzeling her face, rubbing her legs? Like I want to see that?!! I was just thinking about him, and how if I had been in his position I would want to spend as much time as I could with my new partner as I could. With the exception of still talking to my friends once in a while. When he told me last week that he "needed" to hang out with me instead of her is because I smoke and she doesn't...I decided I am no longer going to smoke. I quit. I'm making a better me, I can't think of it as loosing the only friend I had to hang out with, I have to think of it as making the best life choice I could of made. I'm not snacking anymore, I'm exercising, I've stopped smoking, I am...me again.

The biggest worry in my life right now should be, " Will quitting smoking make me gain my weight back?"

Instead I am sad because it's a week from my birthday, and I really wanted my friends to be there, so I could dazzle them with how well I am doing, for once in my life. My tuna fish will be there, and so will her bdaddy, that makes me happy. They are the only two people who pretty much haven't let me down, even when they do, I feel like it's grown up reasons and nothing back stabbish.

I've medicated myself to sleep this past week, and seeing as the PM pills I took just kicked in, I'm so going to pass out! Peace!