Photography

When I take a picture of a person, it's the best compliment I can pay them in my eyes. I find that through the lens I can see you in a different light then ever before. Your insecurities are obvious but not valid, your troubles are known but not printable, all I see is suddenly everything you mean to me. A perfect personification of the best of who you are. Suddenly your eyes seem to be screaming, your lips seem to draw a story across your face, and your hair is dancing to a secrete song as it dances through the wind. Why do I take so many pictures of you? Because I have never seen eyes so full, so open, so loud as yours. You make me hopeful again.

My photography remixed

New LIFE

One more day. ONE MORE DAY! It's only one more day looking at the most selfish, rude, crude, and demanding people I have meet in marin county and I will only miss it a little! I start my new job on Tuesday...SWEETTTT!!!!

Two Roads

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel
bothAnd be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I
could To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better
claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

By Robert Frost

There will be no way to top this.....year

Feelings

Nobody who isn't in love, kisses in the rain. Before I know it, my thoughts have carried me away and the pain of the shower beating on my skin brings me back to reality. Lately I've become more and more drawn into my own thoughts. It's the ability to completely remove myself from my surroundings that has kept me alive I guess. I laugh at those who try to reach me sometimes. It becomes a joke to only me and those not involved often don't find the humor. Yet, sometimes, I feel it's sneaking around my life, waiting for me to draw near the water, look to close to the edge, then it pulls me under.

PIP

Woooooooooooooowwwwwww!!! For realz! You wont believe what I just realized! And it makes me just a little bit happier to know it! What is it? You wont ever get to know, but know this... IT'S GOOOOOODDD!!!

Collette, Tequila and kelly

Wha u say??

I fear I have not been a very good friend. It's not so much in the past week, is more like in the past year. I feel like I am always relying on my friends and they can't really rely on me. My mind seems pickled permanently.

What makes me...me

It's so easy for us to blame others. We find it in a second nature to put blame or cause on others because to blame ourselves, we would first have to admit we are not perfect.

Is it that we are just running out of real things to talk about so we turn to talking about other people?

I'm watching extreme makeover and this girl is 25 and she has never been kissed. In one thought, I can say to myself, " Poor girl! She got the bottom of the deck there!" and in another way I keep asking myself how anybody could be so critical, so hateful of what they look like? Why is this so important!? Not only critical of how she looks...by why are people so critical of how everybody looks!? Maybe this is the problem... We all think everybody is critical of what we look like, so we are hard on ourselves, thus being hard on everybody else. It's a viscous cycle and yet the answer can be so simple! When did you last look at yourself and say " I'm beautiful!" When did you last stop yourself from being so critical about another person?

I feel the understanding of appearance all the time. Partially words and thoughts I'm placing in others mouths, but as a person who spends their time reading people and how they react to situations, you learn how you and others are treated based on your psychical dynamics. I grew up being one of these demons who fed off this cycle. I would wake up, being 10-11-13 years old, and praying to see anybody but myself in the mirror in the morning. I used to dream of the day that I would announce that I was not really fat at all! My whole life was a experiment that my family and I underwent to discover what it was to live in a body of a fat person. I would reenact the day when the bully would come after me and I would rip my fat suit off in some heroic act, wind blowing, golden lights shining and I would be beautiful and I would have no worry about what others thought because, the shame was now on their shoulder's. This however never happened. I would go to school, and I would find kids that where uglier then me and thank the heaven's I wasn't one of them.

The thing is...I have ripped off that fat suit! I'm not a word anymore! I guess it's more like a feeling! I'm what I am every morning when I wake up and know that I have a family that is healthy and loves me. I am what I feel for my friends who mean the world to me. I am what I have always wanted to be true of this world...No longer a word, a noun for what a person is, yet a feeling that defines me as a whole. This is my hope...that we all learn to love a person in a "feeling" at least once in our life. Remind somebody of this because we all seem to get a case of " If i just changed..." In fact....tell somebody what you really think today. Why don't we tell people what we really think ever?

New

Collette's latest creation! I took this out at Spring Lake, Santa Rosa, CA

My progress thus far:
I'm happy.
I will tell you every day what a blessing it is to wake up...and want to wake up. It's so hard to explain what constant deepression feels like.

The teller

yaaayyyyYY! I had the best birthday week EVER!!! Sometimes I wake up and I think back the life i have lived thus far...I would of never thought it would be possible. Me. Happy. Ask me 5 years ago and I would of told myself I wouldn't even make it to 18 yet something in me just kept going. I'm here, I don't plan on loosing it!

Last night as we sat around an open fire and the question was " What do you most worry about?" and my answer wasn't my family. I shocked myself last night. I realized that I blame a lot of my unhappiness on my family. I sometimes feel they could of done a lot more to save me from myself. I hurt myself so many times and they never even noticed let alone try to talk to me about it. It hurts a little realizing that and then knowing I must forgive them. However I feel the truth is the things in my past need to stay there. I need to keep moving on and keep surprising myself in ways I never thought possible.

AND!!!! I got a new job! No more retail! I now am a bank teller!!!! Yayyyy!!!!

EVER

I have pretty much the best group of friends ever!