What being okay means to me...

For...ever I have known I was not okay by normal terms. I'm not okay by my own terms even. Through this understanding I have set up checks and balances to make sure I am to make it to...22.

Make sure to find ONE reason to live everyday!

Never be so quick to say "I know"

Never turn an eye on somebody who says they want to be your
friend

Always have a dream...no matter how crazy and wild people say
you are

When you start to feel like a zombie to your life, remember
your dying for
something to live for

NEVER LIVE BY SOMEBODIES ELSE'S QUOTED RULES OF LIFE

And

When you want to die, curl up in a hole and make it all go
away...force a smile on your face

The thing about rules is that they where made to be broken and that's why my friends have been so important to me. They keep me in check and always remind me why I have chosen the path I have. When I meet a new person, or somebody new enters my close circle of friends it's important for me to classify how large of a part I'm willing to let this person play in my life. I'm usually pretty close on target when doing this, and there are rules to that friendship also. Things like;

I will always try to do whatever it takes to keep this person
in my life as a constant

Make sure this person is happy

Care for them as I wish they would care for me

And

Know, regardless of drama I will always try to do the right
thing and accept and learn from both of our mistakes

I am learning about somebody new this week. I'm surprised that it's taken this long to find her, a friend who is NOT a boy and whom I love anyways. How do you tell somebody that regardless of future or past, knowing that somebody out there...understands some of the darkest most riddling things about me, makes me want to throw up just thinking about their funeral? How do you tell somebody that thinking that all the pain I have gone through, and thinking that they know what it feels like too, makes me want to never feel bad again because maybe it would give them hope too? I make sure when I call somebody my friend, they are more then that, every friend I have means something more to me and I am willing to die for every single one of them!