Getting bored of life

I am to my team as my boss is to me. I'm strict as hell and sometimes use rudeness out of fear to protect my own interests. Why I am so protective of what people think of me is oblivious to me. I keep remembering back to how much I wanted this job and how much I was sure I wasn't going to turn out like the others that had gone before me. I have, I've turned out just the same if not worse and the only difference is that I don't know how to fix it. I had a huge argument with my boss yesterday and it ended up with him throwing a stack of papers announcing " I've worked in retail for 30 years Collette!". I want everything to be ok. I want to go to work and my team to say hi, people to ask me to go hang out with them, people to not talk behind my back, whisper around the corner, maybe im offensive because of this talk, or maybe the talk is because I am offensive to begin with. I love where i work and the people are awesome at times, but damn me to hell, I try to do my job and I try to do it well, but it feels like they wont let me do that without me being a overly strict bitch. I'm done letting people walk over me, that's how I spent my first two years at target and im not going to let that happen again. I'm over being hurt by other people and even more so by myself. In the beginning it was a good idea to take this much on because I wanted the money, but I'm 20, living at home, I have all the nice stuff, pretty and expensive things, but is it a sacrifice I want to continue to make at the cost of my self Confidence? Or am I just over thinking things? I need a vacation, No....I need a hobby!