What's beautiful to me

What's beautiful to me...Ask me earlier today, and I would of said nothing. It's the feeling where I can feel everything and notice all that lives around me and I want to just get away from everybody because they disgusted me. I work with the general public and it's just that, general. That's not a point in it's self because what most people don't understand is that there is nothing more general than the feeling of hate. We all look at the person yelling and throwing a fit and think," Oh my god! What a fool" but we all have been there and will all go there again. Im in a position as to where I just happen to deal with anger all the time and sometimes I let it get away with me. I'm the bouncing wall for all that pisses you off, however, sometimes, it's not always the about the return. If only yelling would make it all better. It does sometimes, but if the feeling of guilt doesn't get to you than something else will. What's amazing is that there are those moments where your you would like nothing else to do than scream, throw everything down and have it out over the counter with the lady who wants to return the used underwear she used and " didn't like the feel of the crotch" but you realize...What does me yelling at Her do? She's happy right now. Maybe not happy, but not in a horrible tizzy fit. So if I start this, if I begin this cycle, it wont end here. She's going to head out to get groceries and be still wound up from me that she's going to take it out on another person, maybe the bag boy, maybe the lady who cuts in line, but it's going to happen. So in the seconds I have to think about this, I have to decide...What do I REALLY want to do here. When it's the choice of Money...My mind is made up. I would let the $5.50 go rather than begin this game. Where does that leave me? I feel like I'm the wondering vault of other peoples feelings sometimes and when I have nothing else good to do, I sit and realize how un-happy people are and it gets to me. So what does any of this have to do with beauty? There's nothing more beautiful than somebody who shamelessly accepts this idea and lets it go. Every day, behind the guest that is screaming and yelling is another and they, like most are sitting there, thinking " wow, what a bitch". What is beautiful about that person is that they will go out with a new respect for people. They are thinking, if just for a moment, not of just themselves, their worlds, their bills, there children, and such. They go about their life and they will get over it in minutes if not seconds. Ignorance is beautiful to me, because they will go on with there life until they are that screaming person standing in audience with me on their shoulder. The ability to be there, witness humanity at it's most normal moment, is something that I treasure. What is beautiful to me is that I have the ability to stop this right than and there. A feeling of power of any sort is enough to make you feel Godlike, however, I just use it in the end to sort through my own life. I stop it from going to the cashiers, and the cashiers in the other stores and they stop it from coming to me. I live like this in one world like respect for everybody understanding that sometimes, you just have to yell to get it all out. Get it out now, with me, rather than bringing it to your family, your life, your children, your love, your passion. Let me kill it and get it over with now, rather than living with it in the future. Sort of conceded, I know, but that's what I have to live with and they always say, " work with what you got".