फ्री फल्लिंग

I know why I'm fat. Because every time something hurts me deep down, I do everything I can to not cry. When I was younger, I was the joke maker of everything. I told everybody by showing them how STRONG I was. How unique I was. How I was more then fat, ugly and awkward. The truth is, I was never strong enough to deny the lump that grew in my throat. I would shove food in my mouth trying to get that feeling to go away, sometimes it festers on for days, even months until I can't handle it any more, and I have to sooth it with cake and ice cream, and telling myself lies. I shove comfort that I haven't found anywhere else down my throat and wait for the release of it's grip around my neck and wait to be able to breath my sweet breath of ignorance again. When you shape your entire world around people and things...and then you realize....you, not them, where wrong, you have a moment of....how to describe it...you know when you take a step without looking and the floor is actually a few feet further down then where you thought it was? It's like that. Except, it's feeling like my floor may be a few miles under the cloud I've been living on.

फिनाली!

I just needed somewhere to gloat......I've lost 35lbs in the past 3.5 months. First time in a loooong time that I am down this skinny, and I have 50 more to go before I will be the smallest I have been for most of my life. My goal wight is actually only 20lbs from that weight so in total I only need to loose 70lbs more till I am healthy, and skinny! Skinny, I don't care so much about, but healthy! No more pills, no more lethargic sitting on my butt because I'm so tired, and yayyy to finally fitting in clothes right! It's been so long since I've had something fit me right! My pants are fitting me ridicules right now! I mean, saggy butt! I hate it, but why buy new clothing when I am just going to keep loosing!? It's kind of encouraging to see how bad things fit and I keep it in my head to keep working out, keep taking my medicine and keep eating less! Late night snacking....it's killing me! Buy yayy Wii Fit! It's what I owe most of my weight loss too!