OW

Root canal
OUCH
O U C H
Throbbing ouch

Not again

I hate valentines day.
I HATE valentines day.
I always have and I believe I am destin to feel that same way for the rest of my life
All I want is romance.
I want that dirty, staring deep into my eyes, telling me I'm wonderful and he's happy to be with me stuff.
He doesn't tell me I am pretty anymore. He doesn't tell me he's happy he's meet me anymore. He doesn't compliment me at all. I do the girl thing, say how ugly I am to fish a compliment out of him. However...it's not the same. It makes me cry late at night in the girly way I never would admit to anybody in person. I care about him. I make sure he has something to eat for lunch. I make sure that he is supported and feels wanted. I make sure to tell him how great he looks and how attracted to him I am.
I feel lonely.
I told him I didn't like valentines day. I was secretly hoping he would say " Not this year!" however he didn't. He told me that he broke up with his infamous ex the day before Valentines.

In his garage he had painted a murel with an ode to love. Her name in big red letters, hearts, and the words " I love ______" all over the place. He then very thinly painted it over in white paint and it's still completely noticeable. I can't get it out of my head.

I can't think of going through the pain of another failure of a Valentines day. This year I'm going to just stay home.

I hate this holiday

His overall's

Babe signed up for a welding class.
He went shopping for his equipment alone.
He came back with this adorably CUTE outfit

Oh Dr. Phil!

$170
I just spent $170 on my math books
College is EXPENSIVE! Damn Expensive!
I have had to much coffee
I'm excited about the new "Stimulating" tax refund!
I wish I could go out on a date tonight.
I haven't been "Out" in FOREVER

Childish

I feel as if I have lost what words I may have ever truly had. The words I once owned now just feel... cheapened.
It's true that growing up may be summed up by similar words, yet...I feel an uncompromisable situation arising when I think about loosing my childish nature.

Civil Litigation

Yaay!

School starts on Monday and I'm so excited I could just pee! I Re-arranged my schedule so I'm going to get a certificate to become a Legal Secretary well I am working to become a Paralegal. However...it's going to take FOREVER!!! Business English, Business Math, Typing Skill building, and Legal Professions for this semester. Next semester: Commencement of Civil Litigation, and Discovery Proceedings and those classes are the ones I am most interested in.

Yaa for College!

New pictures

365 #1-2

So since I have failed at starting my 365 project! So I'm going to start again! This time...let's see if I make it.

New Hair Color! I finished watching the "Breasts" Documentry and felt Inspired to join the fight for breast cancer! If only we could donate breast tissue to other women...I have some to spare, I'm not in need of anymore!

12 steps

Overheard at a 12 Step Meeting
Treat your mind like a bad neighborhood - don't go there alone.
Ten out of ten people die, so don't take life too seriously.
Be profound, funny or quiet.
After you talk in a meeting, listen to hear if you said anything.
I don't need your help today.... Love, God.
Our sickness is between our ears.
Want to hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans.
Don't expect to learn about people from books; a person can't fit in a bookcase.
Now I can wake up and say, "Good morning, God!" rather than "Good God, it's morning!"
When I turned myself over to God, I took my life out of the hands of an idiot.
When the world comes to an end, it will do so without my permission.
If you pray for a Cadillac and God sends a jackass, ride it.
There's no one too dumb for this program, but it's possible to be too smart.
All I wanted was to control you, myself and everything else.
My disease is an elephant. As long as I remember it's there, I won't get stepped on.
Try praying. Nothing pleases God more than to hear a strange voice.
Reality can be hell when you're only visiting.
God save me from myself.
We're all here because we're not all here.
Constructive criticism: I tell you what's wrong with you.
Destructive criticism: You tell me what is wrong with me.
My mind is out to get me.
I need to get the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth.
Come to ninety meetings in ninety days. If you're not satisfied, we'll refund your misery.
Things I turn over to God most easily are those things already fixed.
EGO: Easing God Out
God has never been a problem in my life, but I have been a problem to God all my life.
I know that I'm not yet the person I can be, but I thank God I'm not the person I used to be.
If you think you're happy, you are. If you think you're wise, you're not.
When I don't have expectations of others, anything positive they do is a pleasant surprise.
I can borrow trouble only at high interest rates.

Grrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

It been a week since I have seen my little bank boy. It's really the first time we have been apart for this long since we first started...dating...seeing eachother...whatever. Maybe that's what bothers me...we don't call eachother " Girlfriend" Or " Boyfriend" and that is really starting to bother me. It's getting to be almost 5 months. Let me take the time to be a girl right now... 5 months is almost 6 months which is half of a year. IT'S TIME!! Get over your commitment issues buddy! Sigh.......

In other news! I diyed my hair!

New Pics

The Fat From Within

The Past Year:

This past year has been... I don't know how to explain what happened to me this
year.
I moved out
Moved back in
Quit retail
Started a
professional career
For the first time in 7 years I quit working
Decided
to go back to College
Had reckless fun
Let myself fall in Love
Had Sex
and for the really big first...I can't wait to see where the next year
will take me.

Love:

He likes my fat. He's not the first. He is however the only one who feels no shame in loving it. I for the first time feel like He likes it like a man would like the tight fitting sexy pants on a thin women. It gives me an exhilarating feeling. It makes me feel powerful again. He makes me feel like a women again. This is a quality I don't think I can ever substitute again.

Life:

My Mom woke up early to go shopping and buy a new pressure cooker for this meal my Dad had asked for. She cooked for hours. Cut, sliced, diced, and then patiently stirred, checked and waited for it to finish. A great evening with Ray and my parents was sure. However, as we where watching T.V. something first rumbled, then erupted ending in a huge crash/bang/boom. Ray and I look at each other then jump up in unison running to the kitchen. There we find my parents, both still alive yet they look kind of shocked. The pressure cooker is now upside down, on the floor, sitting about 5ft from the stove and the kitchen is now splashed with a red sauce which covers the stove, counters, adjacent cabinets, corner hutch, roof, and table. I couldn't stop laughing. My mom couldn't stop laughing. Mom, Ray and I cleaned the kitchen all together.

Volunteer:

Tomorrow I'm going to donate blood
Sometime next week I will start at the food bank helping preparing food to feed the homeless
Yay for having something to do!