I love my new phone

Bored

Sketch your photos at dumpr.net

Helio Ocean - QWERTY

Helio Ocean - QWERTY
Originally uploaded by anearthling

Soon! YOU WILL BE MINE!!!!

Ummmmm sooo.....

Doctors appointment tomorrow. Kinda scared. Kinda not wanting to go. Kinda Having to face reality. Kinda not wanting to do that.

Note to self

I re-read that. Yeah. I know how obvious it is that he's in love with her and I'm.....the rebound girl. It kinda sucks. I really really like...liked, like him.

Whoops babe! Was that your foot?

I keep forgetting how to be honest to myself. Things are... sticky. Things have become hard for me to understand. He says he doesn't still love his ex. He can't walk into town or go shopping in the only local store because of the off chance he might run into her. He says it's the pain of spending such a long time with her and having messed up by drinking and loosing the kids not her. I've never felt so ugly and unwanted as I did tonight. I thought I was going to be sexy but his glances got caught watching TV. I just got up and went to bed. He just kissed me goodnight and I finally just got up and left the room. Goodnight babe. I won't be up this weekend. How can somebody make you feel so beautiful and wanted one day and then so lame and ugly the next? How do I let this happen? How do I not want to walk away? Love? Sex? What is it that has me captive? I just want to curl up in a ball sometimes. Can I please get a friend sometime? Ill I want in life is somebody to hang out with. Somebody to talk to. Somebody to drink and watch golden girls with me.
He's staying in my room on the floor. I want to walk in the room and accidentally step on him and then quickly jump in bed and act like it wasn't me. It will make me feel better. I'm sure of it.
Goodnight

Please and thank you

Remind me when I get through this....to stop being to damn needy.

Actual Gain

Is it the past that can no let us go or can we ourselves not let the past go?

I wonder if it where to be reasonable to assume that in letting go that we might then become unable to understand the things that we have painfully come to accept. In the unfavorable instances in which we can not forget what is it we are exactly loosing? Is it the ability to live free with the knowledge of the consequences without knowing the argument? Is it the blooded walls without the war? When is it “okay” to let go a struggle long past without loosing that in which we have actually gained?
Questions still unanswered and reasons still unknown and yet, you ask yourself to release your heart from this pain and let that in which you now know remain. Let these “ Mistakes” be unrepeated and let the lifes you have lived become one again. We are a people of knowledge. We strive from understanding regardless of the favorable views and we become who we are. These are the choices we make and sometimes I fell…burdened to my own heart to hear only the voice that speaks from within. How often do we “filter” the noise around us? The hum of traffic from the evening, or the sound of birds chirping through the beyond? We filter through our days unknowingly and sometimes unwillingly. We leave behind many sounds and maybe unwittingly many voices. To say “ Goodby” maybe we forget that we are letting something go to only accept the louder clearer voice through. To me it’s no longer the voices forgotten or the voices louder then thunder, it’s the voices unheared. To release the people tied to the feelings we have trapped, is the only way we might “ learn” anything. To forget that which I have learned, and to surpass that which I do not need any longer I must accept that there is more to what the eye sees or further, what the eye feels. For when you see bueaty do you not feel it also? Does the feeling of happiness not glow from ones face?
I guess we all need to create the perfect atmosphere to grow frgivness. It starts with a little acceptence and part guilt. Guilt grows into fustration and fustration into what many people belive is acceptence yet wrather is the knowledge of the uncontroable. When we understand that there are things beyond our control we learn that somethings…happen for a reason. Knowing this we also know somethings happen for no reason and with that, how can we still not let the horrible go? We are a glutten for guilt and not being sure that’s a “ Bad” thing I must accept that this is what makes us a people of forever change. We fear the unknown and that often in the case of guilt…is ourselves.