I PAID OFF TWO CREDIT CARDS!!!!! Three more to go. One more in a month!!! I'm getting out of debttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!
Ever feel like you are screwing everything you touch up? I feel like there is no middle ground on anything I touch lately. I screw a lot of good stuff up lately.
I'm being fired from the best job I've ever had because I can't afford to buy cloths. Apparently I dress horrible. I feel like a big fat dirty ugly slob. My boss agrees. She feels I should be dressing more " Appropriate". I wear my nice brand new $70 work slacks. Heels, closed toe. Collared shirts, ironed and washed daily. Kick me in the head.
Smile at a stranger
Forgive the person who cuts you off in traffic
Always be ready to forgive somebody a million times who has forgive you once
Remember that even though 7pm comes everyday, it's a brand new hour in your life every time you live it
Never be to big to say you where wrong
Love with both your heart and your stomach
Never let yourself take your dreams away
Never let somebody tell you " you could be better if..."
EVERY SINGLE DAY Tell yourself " Your Beautiful!"
Remember that if you have money trouble, stressing about it everyday is worthless because the bills will be there regardless!
I had plans to go to the gym tonight. But that friend didn't call me back.
When my car got towed...he paid the guy off to get it out before they took it to in-pound. He's an awesome friend.
..........................................................I talk to much. I think to much. I talk a lot of shit and....I feel not good enough. I don't have an anwser for this one...
Last night was...it was nice.
Your results:
You are Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
| Honest and a defender of the innocent. You sometimes make mistakes in judgment but you are generally good and would protect your crew from harm.  |
I almost called you today. I reached for the phone and then remembered. I had the conversation anyway. I would of started the conversation in the middle like i usaly do and you would of said " hI" with the inflection in the wrong spot like you usualy do and we would talk about what we did the night before. Me starting first, in my shameless attempt to make you like me more, I would start to tell you about him and tell the same things I have told you a million times before and then I would ask about your day and you would tell me about how lame be-bo was and I would come up with some brillient plan to make things better and I would explain to you an entire conversation I would never ACTUALY have and with full intentions on having it you would remind me...Im full of shit. I would then bring up our group and how sucky things are now and you would agree and then we would talk about fixing it and then you would become busy and have to go. Thats who we are. I guess I feel a lil stale thinking of it now.
In other " Not just for one person" news,
I found me a hottie mc hottie at work today. He's geeky cute and will at least be able to fill that huge gaping hole of lonelyness until I find something real. Speaking of that of the unreal; he wants to go to the movies, im proud of him.
It's not his now graying hair, or in the shaking hands he tries to hide. It behind his eyes, hidden within the words or meaningless conversations. I hear it over and over, and though he speaks softly and slow, it seems to ring through my ears as a scream of pain, a cry for help, a howl for something to finaly be true.
Sooo....I decided, Im just going to try a little patch...see what it looks like...then a little became a little more. then a little more became too much and too much became the whole thing and the whole thing became...both and both become a MISTAKE! I always told myself I would never give in and shave my arms. I always had big ugly hairy arms and I loved them, but then, months of people saying things...I gave in...I feel LAME!
It's not easy for me to ask for help. It's never been me who was the one that needed the help....well...thats not true, I just am not the one to ask or accept it when I need it. I tend to make the same mistakes over and over agian. You may not be able to add my devotion in $ or in any other visual amount, but the obvious addiction to your happiness is proof enough. When the world turned on you, and the truth came out, I was there. When friends turned on friends, I choose you! I was there to hear you cry, I was there to get your mind away. I brought you gifts to get your mind off of the sadness, and I left those behind that hurt you. I WAS THERE! I realized last night...I needed her. I needed somebody there to...BE THERE for me. I needed a friend to keep me strong when I know I couldnt. I know I had to face this soon enough and head on because I wanted to get it away for my mind...I wanted you to be there for me. You didn't show up. You didn't call. You wheren't there, you wherent even close. It hurt. I won't lie. It hurt a lot. Im sorry, because this is it. My heart can't keep being stepped on, walked over and dissapointed. Even though it breaks my heart even more to loose what I am giving up...however I feel...I have already lost it.
It makes a thump of sorts as it drops to through my chest, making it's way past my blackening lungs through the thining curves of my hips down to the very back dark pit where I push my noticable tears to, where I hide my fear and where butterflys run wild. This is what it feels like to be alone. This is the feeling that everytime I think about it, I swear I will never experience again. When my heart settled to the very bottem of my stomach today I realized that... this is not something I won't be able to walk away from this time. I feel like anything I ever cared about is hopelessly gone. My friends.....the people I used to be friends with...they walked away. I look at my phone calls and realize...the last time somebody JUST called to....say hi.....months. Lots of people calling me back..returning my plees for contact. There are so many who have walked in and out of my life. I miss them. He walked away so easy. My heart feels like its broken in a million peices. He was my best friend. I really got along with him. And he walked away. She, she woke up. It's never going to be the same...
I'm Bored. I made plans to go out. He didn't call back. Im Hungrey. There's no food in the house. Today Sucks.
