Life for sale

Im tired of being me. Do you ever feel that way? Here i am, writing to people who don't really even excist. What made me stop blogging the first time was that I was spending 5-6 hours online at a time. I didn't talk to people at school, I didn't talk to my friends....( What friends?) I just sat here, talking to essentionaly myself) that I became full with this...Empty feeling. In the past week I have spent $500 on cloths that I don't need. I am just on this trip about how my life is supposed to be and how it's not going there and how I CAN'T make it any where near it that it's actually starting to hurt. I hate who I am, and where I have been. I don't like to know what I have done and what has been done to me because truly I know all that I have done...Is only because I'm not thinking as I should and what was " Done to me" truly is only what I've let happen to me. Every year around this time I think back to it and waste about 4 months thinking of what I could of done to prevent it. It all comes back the same, I'm retarded and let it happen to myself. I hate thinking. It's a waste of my time. Right now...All I can think of is how much I want some root beer and how much I hate my life.