Jun 7, 2004

I don't understand the weather

There are days in my life where I feel much less than sane. Today, I walked into work, with this idea that " I HATE this place" This Hate isn't some petty thing, It's grown into a serious loathe for this place. My job has turned into a large metaphor for everything in life I can't stand. I don't understand how I could of done all this. How could I have turned into one of these people filled with hate and distrust for the human kind? I'll tell you the truth, I almost believe that there are way less than half of this society's people that are sane and kind. I used to be one person who would argue with you that people are for the most part kind. In my mind there where people who walked around and said thank you and please, people who opened doors for one and another, people who could forgive a person who accidentally cut in line. Yet alas, I stand a living contradiction to all of what I wanted to be and who I was. People are cruel! People make you cry on purpose, people cut in line and will yell at you if you don't check them out the speed of light! I don't know what it is, do you have somewhere to be? Is it my fault you are late? Or should you of started shopping earlier? I don't know...I don't care! But now I'm just lieing to you...And myself. I do care about people. I do care that all I can see is the "evil" in society. There ARE good people. There are a lot of good people and what makes me upset isn't that there are some cranky people and I seem to be drowneding in them, it's the fact that I have slowly started to become one. I'm a cranky, smart ass, depressed, rude, person. I am. There are people who I truly love...Who I have recently started to hate. I truly can't handle them. When I start talking to them, I start saying in my head " I miss the old you" But What I'm realizing is the old me! The old Collette would never hang up on people because they where " pissing me off" the old Collette would never cut work because " I don't like it" The old Collette would of stayed and stayed with a smile, because it's a job and it's not supposed to be easy! It was the wise Drew Cary who once said
" Oh! You don't like your job? I believe there's a club for that! It's called EVERYBODY! And they meet at the bar!"

So here is my plan of action/reaction:
No more retail!
What ever retail I must still live through, get over it! Look at the good sides and become happy with what life has given me! Hey, I do have one of the house thingys people enjoy having! And I do have a stable (yet insane) job. I can provide for myself and I have good credit! I'm living the American dream! Hahaha, If only that's what I wanted...Well, leaving this depressing entry behind, I think I shall work on my "Project R" *more to come about that later!

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