Ouch. My pride kinda hurts. I guess i dont have friends in low or high places. I have a friend named rosa...and yep, that bought sums it up. Thats good enough though. She makes up for the others i dont have. Rosa's like 3 friends in one. Kinda like purt-plus, very useful.

I am strange indeed. Driving home from class I find myself with the biggest smile one could get. With all the windows down in my car and the radio up as high as I could bare I sang my hart out. Words to what I do not know and songs to which I have memorized, I sang my little hart content. If you know me well you know that singing is NOT one thing that I can do...do well that is. Yet there I was, blasting my hart out to maroon 5 and Hot Hot Heat. Tonight I am happy. I am beaming rather, and for some reason, the world can do no wrong today. My birthday being behind me, I am looking forward to actually going back to work tomorrow. I get to work the food court, but there is no real negative to that. I'm beginning to be the next 5 star (*****) chef Boyardee!

Killer starfish where at the top of my list yesterday! As a child it seems that my wonderful sense of wonder was cut short by my sisters chasing me down the beach with puckered starfish. They told me that if they caught me, they would stick the starfish on my face and it would be stuck on me forever! And if that wasn't fun enough they had to add that it would soon start to suck my blood and I would shrivel up and turn into a starfish myself. Haha, so killer starfish indeed! But rather what happened on this trip was much more of a metaphorical matter. Unfortunately that's where I lead myself most often...And so I digress.
Today in English we where discussing "how to write a short story". The teacher described the moment in the story when the character meets his or her challenge. With running the risk of not using his exact words I'll explain what intrigued me so: We all use a mask to make it through the day. We all put on this different face to become manageable to the outside world; there is a way we are around our parents, our family and such. It's when we confuse our mask for our face that we are truly lost. The professor gives the wonderful image of a moment when the character is pulled into what he thinks is his or her normal routine only to be smashed into a setting what they don't understand and in which the mask is pulled away from their face and in one swift move, let go and as it smacks the character the story truly begins to unravel. The beach, the starfish, I have a very elaborate mask. What to do...What to do...

Iiiii'm Back! And I have sand in my everywhere. I am currently making a extra bad kind of cassadia

So right about now I should be packing my bags into my car and calling Rosa and Heath to see if they are getting ready! But I'm not, I'm here. As usual I feel the long gap I have had between now and the last time I actually blogged something good enough to note. So that's what brings me here. I'm totally psyced out seeing as in little as 3 hours I shall be spread out on a nice beach blanked munching down on some great sandwiches and sucking some lamonaid. Yep, that's right! We down here at Collections are taking a vacation! This shall be a one of a kind vacation! Tomorrow is going to be my birthday and it shall be the 4th such year that I have included the beach into it. But this year I will be camping there all night with Rosa and Heah whom have never been camping! HAha, man, when I heard that, I almost died, Who never goes camping? In my family that would of never of been spoken. We are creatures of habit and we love our camping! What's really funny is that in our camping trips...Something ALWAYS happens. Let's just home that's not the case today okay! I really hope it's not that my sister goes into labor. Haha, I can see it now, Just as I get the tent up and streached out the phone will ring and Off I will rush! It will be all okay, because either way I will win, camping...Plus, Baby, Major plus. Okay, packing time, ill talk to you all later.

Only two things to note at this time:
1. You know your in college when you are put in a research group and the suggested meeting place to start this research is...a bar. Haha, I loved the part where this guy goes: Well...umm, im not really 21 so you all can drink and ill just watch...than i speak: Im only 18... After the " holy shits" we figure im proboly the youngest person in the class.
2. I get to sleep in tomorrow. Maybey I'll go for a swim. Haha, nice!
That is all.

I was thinking today, it must take an extremely strong person to be able to be rude to another person. You have to have an authority to be the " informer" to another person. God forbid that I have worked at Target for 2 years! But truly, I work retail, I HAVE to be some retarded lame poor outcast because if not I would have a " Real" job where I actually work hard! There is this place apparently where people go out and get all the info as to what I need to be doing in my job, they are all trained way better than I will ever be. I for some reason, am out to get you all! I want you all to get shit deals and getting you in it deep because it's all that I live for in life okay? Do you really think about it? When you tell me I am " Fucking ridiculous" Or " stupid ass little girl" You than imply that I am nothing to nobody, I am a cheating bitch. Do you ever stand to check yourself? I am just some girl, trying to help you...I can't do that if your not willing to help yourself!

Im soo tired! Maybe it's the fact that I have been running all over the place today! The whole Idea of me only getting about 1 hour of sleep last night might of hurt a little also! So what did I do? Rosa and I went out to the beach...But not before I went to IKEA with my mom and my sister. Once at the beach though... It was amazing. I didn't go to classes today. I just gave up on the idea of getting out of bed, and went back to trying to imagine myself 100 other places. But rather than JUST going to the beach, I went to the Russian river right after with Rosa and another pal, Heath. We had tons of fun. But now...I just don't feel it anymore. There is...Something going on. Besides me being emotional, I just keep watching this something and it just hit me. I am sitting here crying like a small lost child. There is a something that's been spread all over the news all week and it's spreading still. It's something that has happened to a family member of one of my best pals. It's something gruesome and sick. What is really frightening is that it's something that I have always freaked out about. Think about being completely helpless. Than think about not ever seeing your family again. And than think about what your family must go through. Your family is sitting there writhing in worry and confusion...But what can you do? I'm going to bed. Night.

IM A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatcha Think? ***

It's a duble date

Haha, So I propose to Rosa that we pull an all nighter...for no real reason...but for rather the pure idea of it all! That's the great thing about having a pal like her...she would actually think about pulling these random stunts with me! Man, think I am going to be up all night anyways! I went to work at 11:15am, and worked until 5:30pm...Than I came in to watch or " Guide" Rosa through closing food Ave...Not on the clock, but if she had a question, I was there. So than the manager tells us that the health inspector is supposed to be coming through tonight! Oh dear, this is Rosa's first night closing and she HAD to be off by 9:45! Damn, so the skipper is sitting there telling her that she has to stay longer! OH hell no! Me: Rosa, you need to clock out! Skipper...Isn't it okay if I clock in and wash the dishes? Because you guys will be fined up the him-ho for having a minor in here this late!" Skipper: Okay ha, so I clocked in and washed to dishes! Let's see... A total of $4 dollars just for washing dishes. That's not good at all...But oh while.
What else... OH! Yeah, so back to this whole boyfriend shtuff. There is this guy at Work, supposedly he likes me. And according to my friend I like him. He's a good enough guy. I mean...I don't care what he looks like, but he is really really nice!...And he's kinda sweet...I don't know though. It's like...If I where to think he liked me I would think a little more about it, but now, it's in my head that we are just friends, and I have never thought different. No, I lie! I really really used to like him...haha, yeah, little known fact right there, but true.

Gettin the Hop

Rosa and I are going to get our IHOP on! Hell yeah! I can really go for some pancakes right now! Some...strawberry pancakes that is!

I have been cut

I cut all my hair off...Well kinda, it's up past my shoulders and I have this sweeping bangs kinda thing goin on. I don't know. I love love love the cut. But...It's just not what I remember. When I get my hair cut I usually get this whole feeling where the world can do no wrong and I am once again loving the life I live. But rather this time...I'm still just me. No great high...No leverage, no insane independent feeling...Just me feeling that hole still. I'm so confused that I'm almost not.

It's missing...again

I feel like this half complete person. Not even a person. I don't know what's missing. It can only be explained as a feeling. A rotten, sick feeling I have in myself. I don't want to go to school anymore. I sound like such a horrible person! Quite ungrateful is what I see when I look at myself...But...I really don't think school is what I should be doing right now. I just want a month. Just a week! It's like I'm packing all this shit in, work, school, work, school, just so I can get this " Perfect life" we all want. I don't know what my perfect life is. It just seems useless to be preparing for all of this, when my life now...Doesn't mean anything. Well...No, I'm dramatic! I have a great life now...I mean, to think where I was about 2 years ago...Compared to now..It's amazing that I'm still even alive! But I still am missing it. It being what I don't know. Does this make any sense? Yeah/no! Not really Hugh?

Good vs. Evil

Bad thing: I didn't sleep last night
Good thing: I took a nice little nap in class today

Bad thing: I don't want to go to class tonight
Good thing: I get to get my speech done and over with!

Bad thing: I have no t-shirts...And it's really really hot!
Good thing: I just started the app. For A makeover story for Rosa and myself!

Bad thing: I'm very hungry!
Bad thing: There is no food in the house

Good thing: It's sunny and a nice day for a walk
Bad thing: My mom is missing...No note...Maybe she went for a walk herself...I hope!

It's pretty!

It's been cold and rainy. Windy and gusty. Now...I'm not complaining here! I love that kind of weather! But it's all nice and sunny and there is no denying that it's beutiful right now! The perfect smell of grass as I drive past the playgrounds filled with screaming children. It's nice.

I'm Not better

I came on with the complete purpose of blogging...I don't think you understand how difficult it is to keep me on task. I log on.... "OH! New blogging tools...Oh Rosa's blog...Oh google searches on yacking!" Haha, I'm such not a lady! I've talked about barfing far to much this week! When it's all I have done, it's all that I have to blog. So if you're cringing with my freakish side...Leave now! Here is what follows: I just threw up the entire farm! The milk I just had...Disagreed with the Hamburger I tried to eat earlier. Oh dear lord. I'll stop now k?

I don't feel good. I don't want to go to work! Seeing as I have missed the past two days...I think maybe it's a good idea to try to make it to at least one shift. I've worked my ass off this week though. I pulled about 44hr at work and than 20 from school. ICK! I am kind-of feeling like pukey but also kind-0f like I want to get out of this house. Dear lord. The flu Sucks...Or blows..Whatever.

Boys Night Out is writing your life story! You may
sound like a sweet child, but you're really a
ticking time bomb. a sharp tongue with a knack
for making people love you with your infectious
charm.


Which Band Is Writing Your Life's Story?
brought to you by Quizilla

You know it's the flu when your shampoo invokes your gag reflex. Yesterday was the height of my illness. I didn't go to work, but rather stayed home and puked my guts out. Besides loosing about 3 pounds I found nothing exciting about missing work. Usually I am excited at the chance to not go to the fluorescent lighted hell, but rather, I found myself feeling guilty for having to call out. What was stupid was me trying to go out last night with Rosa, Heath and Sarah (people from Target) but rather I made it out for like 20 min. And had to have Heath bring me home...To which my return brought about an hour in the tub/ over the toilet. I hate the flu...As for Rosa, Heath, and Sarah...You'll probably also get sick yourselves! Woopss! Sorry!

I'm telling you...The worst thing to happen to Santa Rosa is Krispy Kreme. What else happened today...I got pulled over today for failure to completely stop at a stop sign. Though, I got off with a warning because I've never been pulled before....Well....There was that time with Rosa and Alexi when we got pulled over for " weapon use" *aka, squirting some guy we know with a squirt gun! Mwhaha, Yeah...the cop was cute...at least that's the only good thing that's worked tonight. That and there was a guy at Target with an incredibly hot butt...omg, I can't believe I said that!

Rosa isn't online and it's making me sad!
My mom had the flu...
So Do I
I have to go to work tomorrow
I just threw up...and I feel It coming back again.
What did I eat today?
I didn't do school today
I didn't do my quizzes that where due today
I want to drop out of school
I am - kinda poor
The " Gas" symbol on my car dash is depressing
I think I'm going to bed.
I want to be shot, berried and than ran over by a car caring many heavy rocks

Tonight I would like to discuss: Unhealthy levels. I have love for others that would once be considered " cute, and innocent" but now, with help and aid of others, I have brought this to unhealthy levels. At healthy levels, me picturing us on our first date...Maybe, at unhealthy risky levels is us having our first child. Now...Am I stalking people? No! And when I say stalking this means, but is not limited to the act of NOT: Going through his garbage, office, mailbox, car, desk, NOT mapquesting his house off of his payheck that I handle each week, not talking about him day and night, but rather, me finding myself in the middle of a speech class talking about...Ugh...speechey stuff only to be truly thinking about the day I confess I think he's cute and what will unveil as only being known as my firing. Ha Ha, Yes, in review, Unhealthy levels is Rosa's mother agreeing that we would look cute as a couple together and me suggesting to Rosa that she drops the hint to him that people think so. *Rosa's mother is not the first! Hahahahaha, yes, unhealthy levels. But as a side note? What makes us matchable? People, just because He's tall, and I'm tall...Doesn't mean we are meant to be! Or does it? Ha Ha, If only!

In addition to the last post: Lod's for those who know what they are...are adorable! Haha, thank you, that is all.

I think I'm in love. Haha, not really, but there are those of whom I find totally and completely adorable! Today for those who don't already know is Dr. Suesses 100th birthday. In honor of this, Myself and 3 fellow team members from Target, went to An elementary school and read Dr. Susse books to the children. It was great. They where just the cutest little things ever! Apparently everybody knows somebody who works at Target ;-) Rosa's new name shall be Mrs. Suess, as the kids have chosen to dub her. Yes, I wore the Hat! Haha, I never found it so difficult to read a book before, but these Dr. Susse books where just plain long and complicated! Haha, my mentality of a 3rd grader lives up to it's reputation.

I've told you more than enough how much I hate retail! But I don’t think I have taken the time to tell you about the rather beautiful part of this world. Around Christmas, there is the normal hustle! People elbowing and yelling children screaming and crying...and than there is a miracle far beneath all this madness! I remember when it first happened, I didn’t believe it to start, but than the tears that i seen...made me think twice. What happened!? Well, there is this gentlemen who is in our store often. He's nothing to marvel at, no, blinding smile, no gallantly perfect complection...just a graying buzz cut and a slightly larger physique. I know now that there is more to this man, for he is one of those amazing people in this world. People we all strive to be, or at least meet! It was about 2:30pm in December; and the store was PACKED to the him-ho! But somewhere in between muttering obscenities and wrapping the millionth bratz doll, I look up, and there is this woman...she's just pouring tears. She's slowly loading two carts worth of toys onto the belt, looking at me, than looking at the toys and only glancing at this older man who’s at her side. All I could think at the time was " Shit, this lady is going to try to pull something on me! She's lookin really shady! Or, her boyfriend is fighting with her, god! So close to Christmas...sick!" But I was horribly wrong! Before the woman could even finish, the man pulls out his check book, rips out a blank check, and tells me he has to use the restroom. He leaves his wallet and signs the check, as he walks away he asks that I write the check out and he'll be back in a second. He leaves and I look up confused at the lady. The second he is gone the lady turns to me gushing! " OH MY LORD!" Me: What? Woman: That man! It's like god sent him right to me! OH MY WORD!" Me: (In my head..."Riiiiggghhhttt!") Woman: He...He...was just walking around, and my boy ( looking to her son who’s just leaning up against one of the carts) my boy started to talk to him, the man asked who we where buying all the toys for and he told him " People my mom doesn’t even know!" I explained to him, it was half for family, and half for charity...and he just looked at me, and said " well Mam, If you can get to the registers in about 10 min, I'll buy everything for you" I kinda laughed but he pulled out his wallet right there and took my cart! I can't believe it!" Now...lemme intervene in her story right here: She herself was a smaller looking woman. She spoke with a deep southern accent. But more than anything...she didn’t look like she would be the kind handing out to charity. Actually...she looked like the kind to be picking it up. There is NOTHING wrong with getting help! And that's not where I'm trying to go here, what I am saying is that this lady, know that no matter how little she had, it's still more than most others have, and she decided that it was a good thing to try to make others happy! These two miracles found each other in the middle of our store. This place I often curse and dread! Beyond the slobbering children and stressed out parents, they created something that effected everybody that day. If you could only see my face when she told me: Disbelief...amazement..confusement..excitement....honor!? I was honored to be there to see this. And you know what...it didn’t stop there, He came back, again and again, doing this for many other people. The lady herself came back and bought more toys and blankets, saying: " well, I have more money that I can put twords them now! I didn't plan on going home with it, no sense in wasting it!" Every time I get pissed off as hell...I remember her face and think, well, I can either think the world is a psycho and walk away, or look it straight in the face and shake its hand. What brings this whole damn thing up? The man, who is an often guest in the store came in yesterday to return some pants. As we talked I finally gathered all my ego and muttered something like: You know your doing amazing things when I know who you are, and so does the rest of this store, you’re an amazing person for doing what you do!" He looked my straight on, and shook my hand. He than did what he is famous for and grabbed the money I had just given him for his return and tried to give it to me " Buy yourself some lunch" Me: Haha, no, thanks, but, no...you go do something better with it. I slipped it back in the bag and he headed off. Haha, what a day that was. People yelled and screamed, but for a strange reason, it didn’t matter to me that day. I just smiled and nodded, and remembered the look on that ladies face. Im cheesy