Q

Home Safe? Fuuuuuuucccckkkk. Hot? Cold? WTF? People, honestly, just pick a road and stay there!

I'm a little bummed....

Ditched for poker....story of my life.

Collette, The next generation

Now that I am completely insane I find it fitting to start blogging again. It's been a while, I wont lie. I pretended to be together and with it, but apparently things fell back into place and life once again takes on that ominous stink of...Life.
Moving back in with my parents sometimes feels like a fresh breath, I'm getting on top of my bills, and starting to save money. Yet as I take in this fresh tide of renewal, I get a sudden sensation of suffocation. The room is getting smaller and smaller, and the doors are always locked, it's way to hot and the food is gross. Along with the need to have my own gross food is the need to grow, become me, become what I'm not.
My day dreaming has become a problem. I do nothing more then live in this alternate reality and it is because of this that I have come to realize I'm moving away from the part of me that I hate the most. I need to set a lot of things in stone right now that have been balancing in jello for a while. People's feelings and hearts are at stake right now including my own and I owe it to them and to myself to figure this out. HOWEVER, a huge part of me would just enjoy running away to a cute town full of people who also have run away from their problems and are enjoying sitting in coffee shops, reading books and avoiding talking about their real lives and trying to fulfill their daydreams. Can I run away and live on the Star ship Enterprise? Q, Take me away.

Hurts!

Among other things I hate when the spoon falls into the milk well eating cereal. I also hate being a girl and when I HAVE to go to work. Things are needing balance again and I'm not so sure this time where to get that from...

Had you known what was going to happen...would you re-meet me? July 4th, 2005 ?

What I fell in love with was the allure of your secretes. Your life was something in which I had never discovered before. Each day you break open more and more of those mystery's and in my heart, it's thrilling, exciting, and wonderful. Yet, in my mind, It feels different. You are who you are, and yet, you have lost that luster, that mystery, or un-obtainable silver. I've always known you where out of my league, but I didn't understand why. I know now it's because it takes somebody great to hold on to all that in which you have to give. You have chosen somebody who is not worthy.

I feel really really really lonely all of a sudden. I was supposed to go to a Bar-b-q with the boys and was looking forwards to it but needed to get some rest first because I had stayed up the entire night before and then worked my ass off today at work, So i laid down, and didn't wake back up until way later when the boys had already come knocking on my door and left :( I'm so tired that driving was a BAD idea considering how I handled the ride home today. I was so tired my eyes felt like led and I had to air conditioner on full blast and the same with the radio, what a sight to see!

And Can I make an announcment...it's been 14 hours since I last had a smoke! Eh, wish me luck!

Life sucks

Happy Moving home with your parents day! Life fucking sucks and I'm embrasing my boomarang genaration needs and livin it up! Thanks! Ttyl

BROK-EN!

I'm stressing OUT! It's getting really hairy so to say. When my personal life gets going, my "Money" life spins out of control! It's getting hard just to live anymore and it's making me realize that I'm just very bad with money. I keep hoping somethings going to happen, like a money fairy is going to jump out of nowhere and pass me a million bucks and make all the drama go away. Ps, I've stopped anwsering my phone...and paying for it actualy....That's stupid.

Fuzzy life

Life is getting bumpy lately. Things are becoming sure, and then unsure, then safe and then not safe...Life is becoming...Life. It's hard for me to sometimes look at the bright side of things but I try to remind myself that things will get ugly just as easy as things might become pretty again. Bills, boyfriends, food, sickness, it's all rolled into what's running through my mind and for some reason...im not that worried and by that fact...I am worried. I am however looking forward sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to spending tonight with Robert. Dinner and a movie we both have been wanting to see. I love it! Maybe a nice glass of wine with a great Italian dinner, and then settling in to a sweet movie for two. Im excited!

Robert has been there for me in these past couple weeks. I admire a person who is willing to do what it takes to be a good friend and put forth the effort to see their dreams through. I want tonight to be special for us, we both deserve it.

here's me wondering if I should go get a new outfit for tonight... Part of me kinda wants one and the other half is buried under bills, I need to get more things for work...But I also need to eat this week...Can I just say...In my fridge right now their is nothing!

Whoops!

Life is strange. How does one person spend so much time trying to understand something they know is the greatest mystery of all time?

I got really messed up last night and forgot to not tell people my life story...wooops!