Almost done with school!

As it is only fitting to mark this day with some sort of recognition, I find that finishing one of the more difficult college courses I've ever taken...needs no celebration. I instead will spend tonight, alone, eating chicken, drinking orange juice and talking to people on the internet. Why you ask? Because this is my life. Sad, but true. Well...very sad, and even more sadder, very true :(

Side note, I have the best cousin EVER. In the entire world. He's away fighting a war and all, but I fricken love him. And I can't wait for him to come back so we can be twins together. I'm getting extra drunk for him, one for me, one for my bitch in Afghanistan!

I have been pretty down. Depressed even.

But I realized that drinking is the answer! That's what I'm doing! It's working! I'm pretty happy! And I'm buying a new flat screen tv! AND a new mac mini, which is pretty f'in exciting if you ask me! And, grays anatomy is on bitches!

This fat cow isn't going to try again!

Here's my question, am I so stupid, soo boring, and unbelievably ugly that I don't deserve to even be spoken to? This guy! Lol, asks ME out, HE makes plans, HE asks me on a 3rd date...and then he doesn't call, in fact, he never calls, not even to say sorry. He doesn't call to say sorry, he doesn't call to say I'm not interested, he doesn't email, or text even!? WTF lol. So this would be okay, if it wasn't the second time that a guy has done this. The whole..." I'm to scared to tell you the truth" act is REALLY old! If I wasn't interested, or maybe something came up with an ex, I would AT LEAST tell the other person, no matter how many dates we had or hadn't been on. It's just the nice thing to do! What happened to manners people? Or is it that I am...freaky? Is that what it is? Am I soo ugly, soo repulsive? Sooooooo annoying and boring that people can't stand me?

I usually don't feel too down on myself, but now, I'm feeling like the fattest, ugliest, nastiest, disgusting, lowest person on earth.

It's not even about him not liking me, it's about...being treated like the subhuman scum that you have to cringe as you pass on the street.

I was happy before he came up and ripped up my routine. I was doing JUST fine! I in fact, DIDN'T even want to go on the first date! But I thought to myself...he's a normal, nice guy, why not? At least I'll be making a new friend. I laugh at my abilities to judge people correctly at this point.

Lastly, I ask this...when do I stop waiting on an answer from him? I caution you at this point! Don't mistake me wanting to hear from him with me being clingy, wanting, to be with him, it is more in fact, a plea for normal, considerate treatment from a person whom I thought was actually pretty cool. So now, every time my messenger chimes, or I get a new email, I hold my breath, thinking "maybe he finally got the courage to own up!" And only a super microscopic, tiny, itty bitty piece of me is hoping he has a completely reasonable answer; Which the probability of is shrinking every day.

I will say this...
I forgot what it was like to have somebody to talk to. I forgot what it was like having a friend. I have friends...but they have their own lives. I'm pretty much the only person left who isn't married, has a kid, or has a significant other. I don't even know where my cell phone is anymore. I do laundry once every month because...well, I don't go anywhere, or see anybody. If I didn't live with my parents, I wouldn't see people at all.

I'm alone again. Kinda sucks.

Ughh

I hate dating. I really really dislike having to depend on another person. I'm not a selfish person, and when other people are...it kills me! Well, actually it makes me angry. I had a dream last night that I had been on vacation, and I drove my car to the airport, took off, and then flew into another airport where my car was flown to meet me...and then I realized...my car wont make the drive all the way back to my home! And I didn't have money to fly me and my car back. And that's kinda what dating is like. If I never have to date again, it will be too soon!