Post #504

There are few and less reasons as to why I have been forgetful in posting lately. One of them being as usual, work. Second, I've been trying to get things in order to move out. In wich I have and am now spending my second night in my new apartment. It's fun, completely scary and a little boring. Even though all that sounds fun and dandy I also am re-learning my singlehood. Boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago and regardless how I feel about it, I'm still adapting to not having him there. There as in my mind, there as in my car, in my new apartment, on my phone, at dinner, in the mall, in my arms...It's really hard to quite cold turkey something you have had for 7 months. It's also hard realizing as I am this very second that I left home, the place where I've lived for 21 years. I'm gunna miss hearing the kids every morning, my mom every night, my dad in the afternoon...It was stability and now everything I have is in limbo, on me. I don't like this choking feeling. When I started this weblog I told myself I wanted to be honest and I need to remember to try to achieve that. I miss my home, I miss my family, I miss my boyfriend and I miss being sure of things. I fought way to much with the boy...Why was that? It's not the unhappy times I remember and trying to think of them, I can't. I'm sure I might if I was given time or examples...But right now, all I can remember is waking up next to him brushing my face with his hand, or our first awkward date or how he makes that face when he thinks I'm not looking...I need to get over it. We arrant in love.

Second of all, Hello it's fucking cold in this bitch!

Single white fat female

It's like a band aid...You have to take it off quickly but it sure as hell doesn't make it not sting after. Being single is like being fat, when your skinny, it's easy to be happy about who you are and how you do, but when your fat, you can tell the whole world to fuck off with all the confidence in the world.

The countdown Begins

http://www.clocklink.com/clocks/9001E-Gray.swf?TimeZone=PST&Target=2006,3,29,12,01,00&Title=Countdown to 21!" width="288" height="18" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash">

This is what happens when I get time off!

I have a new addiction! Photographica! Getting comments is as close to ecstasy as I have been in a while! It's the photographers rush and I LOVE IT! Second addiction...Unsolved mysteries! LOVE EM! I cry, I laugh, I'm freaked out, it's better then any soap opera!

Strong

1. I need to move out! Things are just not organized like I need them to be. I have to much stuff!
2. I need to get all things relating to my car fixed!
3. I need a new or second job, preferably a new one!
4. I need to reorganize my priority's regarding friends, school and life.
5. SAVE MONEY!

Valentines HEeeeeellllllppppp....

I hate valentines day. Always have, always will. It's a holiday condoning our way of life here in America where we ignore each other until the one holiday where everything comes out in a strange barf of hallmark pink! As a women, as a human, I want your passion 365 days a year! I want you to look daringly into my eyes and tell me I'm amazing, and I want to be able to grab you from behind and bring you into a long passionate kiss. However, these kinds of things have been pulled all into one holiday where we wait until then to show it and often because our schedules don't allow for it. I realized something about myself today, and not only about myself yet all of women ( And man for that matter) kind. We often say how upsetting it is that we don't get what we really want on valentines day and that to me, sort of speaks to how we are a society. We don't communicate as well as we should. SPEAK UP! Take time today and ask your partner what's romantic to them and try to fill their dreams. Your relationship will be better off! Try it and If I'm wrong...Then your not in the right kind of relationship!