I couldn't figure out where my weight was coming from...

Str141: Im eating a cookie that's bigger than my head
U2busse: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA mmmmmmm, cookie

beliefs of beauty?

I have the Bi-polar self image I guess. Some Day's, I don't understand such a silly concept. Who cares how I wear the hair? It's just something there to keep my head warm. My cloths? Also just another formality to which I owe society ( Not to say if given the option I would strip, I indeed would not!). It amazes me how people can base who I am, on what I look like. She's wearing blue jeans! That must mean she's a bad person...Because those are out of fashion!
Yet like I said...There's two sides to this whole idea. I do hate being consumed in the idea of " My Image" but I am. I sit at work all day where I'm surrounded by people who openly admit that they make way more money than they should for what they are doing * which (Because I'm a bitch) I often openly agree with them. These people are people who believe hard labor is changing the toner in the fax machine and that I must do it because they " Could just never figure out such a silly contraption". Working hard to me is getting the job done at any cost, If I break a nail...First I would wonder where I got said nail considering I don't have any, and than I would get over it because you can't really lift 50lbs boxes with claws coming off your hand. These people sit in the office ordering shoes out of catalogs because " Have you ever seen the inside of the mall!" and complement me on " Looking better" than yesterday. So I don't do my hair before I come to work! So it's washed, clean and out of my face! What more can you ask for? I'm a simple kind of person! Where it gets me is when I begin to become involved in this sick ritual! I take one look at myself and think..." What the hell am I doing? I look like trash!" It's a sick feeling to live as if one wasn't good enough for the " In" Crowed...But than there are those who subscribe to the idea that there is only a " Cool crowed" in the minds of those who must belong. Where do I belong? Am I over analyzing things as I often do? Or is it really that we must " Subscribe" to the same beliefs of beauty?

I told you what?

Str141: I think your liking this blogging thing ;-)
Kmayhem213: i am working on another one now
Str141: soon you'll find yourself muttering...." I gotta blog this"
Kmayhem213: lol
Str141: hahahahahahahahahahahha, I told you so!
Kmayhem213: you were right

Slightly Bedraggled

Have you ever found a place you just seem to...Fit in to? A place where your thoughts seem suddenly clearer yet less important? Stearing at the waves crash over the rocks out in bodega bay is where I run to when things are getting hazy. It may be pitch black, freezing cold, but the sounds, smells and feelings seem to carry what I can't remember from sight. I realized out there tonight that I'm not really happy, Not even remotely happy anymore. It may be work and it may be home, but I find myself daydreaming more than once about traveling to some far off place, away from anything retail or Howell. Do I feel slightly like a bad person for wanting to ditch my life as it is rather than work to make it better....Yeah, but right now, I'm not excatly sure if I can handle dealing with anything.

The other kind of life

It would be a lie to say that im happy where i'm at. However i still have this feeling somewhere in me that's telling me that to be happy isn't the point here. Not at this time at least. What does that really mean? I don't know. Yet it's what keeps me waking up in the morning.

Promotion

UPDATE: You all suck on the " Guess what" game! Rather than you guessing I'll just tell you now. Remember how I always complained about watching the lanes and bitched that it wasn't my job? It was the supervisors job and I didn't get paid for it? Well now I can't do any of that. Hahahha, Today I went to assessments which roughly translates to " Sit here and be made a blubbering fool of". After they " asses" me they than call the store and tell them wither I passed or not. I was so sure that I had horribly failed. HORRIBLY! But just as I was going home to puke from the suspense...The Store manager walked up and shook my hand and said " congratulations" I can't even explain the exact thought in my head at that time. It was something like..." WawhooO/ Oh shit...Really?" I can't even begin to wonder what I have gotten myself into! We will see next week if I'm still alive and standing. I think what makes me feel the best is that the people I look up to the most in that store...Rather in my life, where happy that I made it. I owe so many people for helping me to get me this far. All of the other Guest Service Team Leads, The other half of the "Triplets", some random friends, and the madman all put up with trying to convince me I could move up....mwhahaha, now they must life with their mistake! Haha, your own damn fault! I don't want to hear any belly aching when I become known as the bitch of the store k?

NEWS FLASH

I just may have explosive news to come in the near week! EXPLOSIVE as in...Has been coming for a long time now! haha, kudos to the person who guesses first.

U2busse: i am blogging

Str141: i have already done so

U2busse: sweet

U2busse: That post is not satisfactory. More meat, please.

Damn car payments

Tomorrow is payday! Enough said! Today I am negative $3 which is extremely sad! But tomorrow I shall be rich...For something like 2 seconds...Than poor again.

It's been a while hasn't it? Time has not been on my side as of late. I've been pulling 12-14 hour days at work all because our time clock went down and that required a lot of paperwork on the clerical side. How is my new department? Eh.
What does " Eh" involve? Eh covers the idea that it's a completely new department...Like no other in the store. Eh covers the fact that I am not really trained for the shit they are throwing at me and I'm completely unable to cope with the change from, Guest oriented service to Boss oriented service. Working out on the sales floor where I deal with guests on a minute to minute basis and only seeing the bosses when I fuck up is a lot different than becoming the bosses bitch. How long will this horrible feeling I have in the pit of my stomach last?
Besides work...I haven't really had a moment to myself...Or my family for a while. Today I went and got a haircut. That makes me feel a little bit better. But I am still feeling uncomfortable at work and alas..That sets the rest of my life off balance.

Isso

dissonance
DEFINITION: (noun) lack of music harmony; lack of agreement between ideas
EXAMPLE: Most modern music is characterized by dissonance, which many listeners find hard to enjoy. There is a noticeable dissonance between two common beliefs of most conservatives: their faith in unfettered free markets and their preference for traditional social values.
SYNONYMS: cacophony, discord, harshness

Sour what biotch?

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

Mommy wow! Im a big Kid Now!

Being the complete juvenile that I am...Cut class today...Again. This is all ok though...Because I'm dropping the class and getting another class for later so I don't have any credit loss. I'm just too tired and it's too much stuff to handle all at once. I am SOOOOOOOOO tired. I think Im going to take a quick 15-20 min nap right now, let my hair dry, rest. The question is...Sleep...Or math homework? Hahahahaha, SLEEP! See ya'll later!