One to those things

So many things have happened in the past few weeks. Some good, Some bad. For the most part, life has taken it's course and surprised me with many things. One of these " things" being a new job offer with an ex-supervisor of mine. She called me up and told me she had 2 positions she needed to fill and that she would like for me to come down and apply. This of course making me feel great considering the last time I had seen her was months earlier and the fact that she kept me in mind made me believe in my work. After spending a small fortune on clothes to get the interview, I realized today that I'm not ready to leave Target. People have a funny way of suprising me. Yesterday, I being left in charge of the front lanes to supervise well the Team leads go out on a Team Outing, begin to wonder...Where is this all taking me? Sure I can have one snazy resume...But this store is taking advantage of me. I do a lot for Target. I am cross trained in almost every department on the front lanes and now clerical...So why am I not a team lead? About once or twice a day I have other Team leads coming up to tell me that I got " Jipped" When it came to the promotions... I know I did, But a part of me still beliefs that I didn't. I do work hard. I do know a lot about the store and it's team members. However, do I have what it takes to be a Leader? I have always been borderline team leader on everything I have done. In high school I was almost part of the Team leaders or tomorrow program...almost, I was almost in Leadership...almost and even at my last job, I was left in charge often, yet never promoted. So is it me? Or is it everybody else? Am I just destine to be borderline Leader? assistant to the great ones? Or even worse...Borderline good, jumping between horrible and helpful? This must be one of those things in life where it must play out to be told correctly.
More suprising things being my friends. ( She might kill me for this, yet I have this feeling like typing things out might make me figure my feelings out even further...So she'll get over it) So we all know the story and for those who don't here it is: Rosa and I met @ Target. I had been working there for not to long when She started. I know who she was because she also went to Elsie, the same high school as me. For one reason or another we started talking and I dragged her to a play one night, and ever since than, we've been like two fires in a fat man's hand(inseparable for you skinny people ) . We only ever had one or two arguments, not even worthy of being called fights for memory's sake, yet even than, we did everything together. I needed a haircut? Call Rosa, because she'll go too! Need to clean my car out? Call Rosa. She needs to get a doughnut? Call Collette! We finished each other's thoughts and often if not always could completely understand each other's garbled definitions of feelings. She graduated High school and So did I, and even though, not at the same time, we both felt the happiness that each other felt. And that's who we where. People know us by " Collette And Rosa" there was no other choice...Well maybe " Rosa and Collette" and sometimes ( Heath) but it was always us two. So why am I suddenly lost? That's what it feels like. Like I was in a coma at sometime and forgot all the little quirks that make her. I don't know where I'm going when I'm going to see her anymore. I know it's silly of me, but it's also very scary. It's not a dark feeling, rather a feeling of stun and amazement. Things we both say now are suprising to me now. I find the jeyoulsy spilling out in my words makes not only others sick, but myself. However, I do also see the side of Rosa to leave that makes me sad. She's no longer that shy, geeky, girl. She's grown beyond me and I don't always understand the things she says, or is feeling, because I myself haven't even experienced them. Love, boys and all things Poplular are what it seems I was never apart of. With her I was apart of NOT being apart of those people. Now she has her in and I'm standing at the door waving by to her childhood and looking my own in the face wondering when I might become one of the cool kids also? A self confessed shut in, and a geek hardcore, are what I still closely tie my name in with. And once more I have to ask myself, Why am I so damn lost when it comes to change? Why can't I except it for what it is and whom it has claimed? Am I just another lame girl who will live in the 90's forever? Will I begin to play the keyboard with my Cats? Start naming them Rosa, Heath and Wren? I don't want to start nitting little outfits for the Kitty puppet shows that I might one day produce quite yet, but I also don't want to be liquored up laying naked on a bar somewhere else. I just want to feel not so lost and like...I actually know where I'm going in life. I want to know that I haven't started to fall into that scary abyss that we like to call Dated and know that one day, I will become all that I need to be....Sane.