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I've never understood what people meant when they say " I can't think at home" or I cant think at___. I now know. The world took on a different color as I drove myself home tonight. It was different from the rosey peachey color I usual demand, but not quite blue. I just drove for a little bit...Round the circle a bit...Than down the street, than around the houses but closer I got to my house...The clearer I could see things. For tonight is my jumping off point! What spawned this shall be discussed later and may only be mentioned now as the growing up of one of my friends. But all that isn't important...What is important is what I realized; and that is...I don't want what I think I wanted. I don't want to play my life as it comes. I don't want to "try" making it to Brooks Inst. I MUST go...I HAVE to make it there. I HAVE to make it through college and all this shit! No more of this..."Maybe" shit, I'm tired of waiting, I am going to make it happen. I need to start to save my money...ALL of it! No more eating out, buying worthless shit, none! It's not that important to me anymore. I look at my life now, and I just promise myself I'll never have to say " well...We just wont eat that much this week" I Will NEVER ever fucking say that shit. And what makes me even more pissed is that rich people that I know are soo insensitive about this fact. There are people working their asses off and getting jack shit, and there are these people out there who have the balls to start lecturing me about how my family needs to " work harder" and or how it's the peoples fault because they didn't go to college...Oh dear lord...I don't want to get started...This isn't where I meant to go with all this...Where did I want to go...Oh! Yeah, me and my CHANGE and how It's going to work!