It's perfect outside. There is a perfect balance between wind and overcast sky’s. Rosa is asleep...and I want to go clean out my car! But I don't want to do it alone. Which means that it's going to be another week before I get the 50 bottles of water and lemonade out of the backseat...I think I can pull it off!
I keep entertaining the idea of going on vacation for my birthday. What it boils down to is me wanting to leave everything for a day or two. I would rather leave for a month...but I can't afford that. I want to go and get a hotel room for one night maybe go to a movie, and get some dinner at a nice restaurant. Haha, you know I'm boring when I say stuff like that Hugh? Oh well...cant deny the inevitable!

For some reason I find myself talking to some French guys...Very entertaining!

FhilOgELiAnE says:
she speak french, jb ,she know, like in the sing, "voulez vous coucher avec moi? (lady marmelade, you know, collette)

Im strange. Well, not as strange as I would like to think I am, but non the less, I am a little off balance (p.s what is this balance?) I never understood why people stay in school years after they graduated. I just kept thinking in my mind " All these classes and look, your still stupid! You would have to be to still be here!" But I was horribly misinformed! This is my College. I am here about 50% of my week. And within this week, I leave time for these moments when I can be running from one class to lab to look up into these enormous oak trees. These Trees are beautiful. I can't explain them...But they are what I find most of my photography attacking. But it's in these moments when I find myself looking at these trees, that I feel the need to remind myself... "I'm not the first" I'm not the first person to love these trees...I'm not the first person to pass this dirt, this ground, not the first to travel this path...And what this all translates in my head is that...I'm not the first person to have these dreams! I have always wanted to be a photographer! And when I mean always...I mean ALWAYS! I remember before I even held a camera, I fell in love with the sound of the click and re-wind of a camera just used. I associate many things with photo's and photography itself...But what mainly it comes down to...Is passion! Some people can argue their Ethos quite eloquently, some can sing you to smiles and tears, and some people can take their slightly different views of things, and make it possible for you to see and share in it also. That's what I use my photographs as sometimes, yet among other things, I still think I have a lot to learn. Where I might use my "talent" later...God, who knows! But what I can do now, is keep...Ugh...Putting away! Yeah...Perfect ending to that one...Ha.

I've never understood what people meant when they say " I can't think at home" or I cant think at___. I now know. The world took on a different color as I drove myself home tonight. It was different from the rosey peachey color I usual demand, but not quite blue. I just drove for a little bit...Round the circle a bit...Than down the street, than around the houses but closer I got to my house...The clearer I could see things. For tonight is my jumping off point! What spawned this shall be discussed later and may only be mentioned now as the growing up of one of my friends. But all that isn't important...What is important is what I realized; and that is...I don't want what I think I wanted. I don't want to play my life as it comes. I don't want to "try" making it to Brooks Inst. I MUST go...I HAVE to make it there. I HAVE to make it through college and all this shit! No more of this..."Maybe" shit, I'm tired of waiting, I am going to make it happen. I need to start to save my money...ALL of it! No more eating out, buying worthless shit, none! It's not that important to me anymore. I look at my life now, and I just promise myself I'll never have to say " well...We just wont eat that much this week" I Will NEVER ever fucking say that shit. And what makes me even more pissed is that rich people that I know are soo insensitive about this fact. There are people working their asses off and getting jack shit, and there are these people out there who have the balls to start lecturing me about how my family needs to " work harder" and or how it's the peoples fault because they didn't go to college...Oh dear lord...I don't want to get started...This isn't where I meant to go with all this...Where did I want to go...Oh! Yeah, me and my CHANGE and how It's going to work!

I'm kinda Tired! Just cant make myself go to bed!

I got my phone! And it's perfect. This time I got insurance! My last phone kept taking the " falls of Death!" Well worth the four dollars! Not much to talk about now. I'm thinking bought going to go get Rosa and myself some Starbucks before I go get her from school. We are going out to Sabastopl to a little burger stand for lunch. Haha, as lame as it sounds...Im hella excited! It's the little things in our friendship that are so fun. Old best friend called today, and it got me thinking, Why the fuck did I ever let myself think that what she was giving me was friendship? I donno... But What I do know is...I want some Coffee! And some sequoia! (that's the hamburger place)

I got some shoes. Im getting my phone thursday!

There are many things I could do with my next paycheck. 1. Get a new phone! Which I REALLY REALLY need!!! 2. Get a blog! Get some sort of site placed...Which I really really WANT! 3. Get some shoes!! But...Ha, have I forgotten? I found a gift card at work like a month ago it's worth being somewhere around $28! I get to claim that thing in a few days and that's when I shall get some new shoes, maybe some clearance pants...hmmm...Now I am all excited bought that! Hahaha, tomorrow Is my day OFF! No school...No work NOTHIN! Laungin, sittin, cruzin to whatever I want to do.

Tired...Oh so tired! I shouldn't of lied to the doctor when she asked how I was sleeping. Lets get the tally: 1.5 hours of sleep! I just kept painting, and cleaning, and internet farting around. I would look at the clock, and be all " hey, one more round of majh Jhongg" dear lord am i ever paying for that one now! I missed both of my morning classes. Oops!

I think hedge is an inmate. Because Only do we hear from him once in a great while. Maybe he hasn't been behaving and he didn't get his yard time. Im really just kidding...Or am ....No, yeah, just kidding! I also often wonder what other weblogs you visit, who are the others, and do they get to know who you are? Are we being cheated on? You have better and bigger blogs to post on! I feel so used!

When I get to typing, I forget shit. Things like, " I have to work tomorrow!" and " your room is half painted" but on top of all that, what is bugging me the most, is that my right hand is f-ing freezing and the rest of me is hot. Strange to the max. Okay, really now, I need to stop talking to Michael, who seems to be chatting it up with his girly pal and not me! And go to g-dang bed! O dearlord! It's almost 1am...The shame of waking up tomorrow, knowing there was no good reason for me to have stayed up this late!
haha, oh! Ps, Im smitten. Rosa...I am! For those who know me know I do NOT like people that often. Or at least talk about it. For some reason, I totally like this guy at work. He's not a hott mo-fo, with the usual required hott butt. But he is dorky, and shy, and goofy and smilely and Kind, I think I'll get my flirt on soon...Ugh....I must call bestfriend, I don't know how to flirt...Advice is needed here! pss, When I say flirt, I do mean, have my face flush red and mutter things like " I don't know why, but he's really cute" when I think he's still kinda near. Does that kind of stuff work? Yeah...did'nt think so! Okay, night all!