I'm not a model. I'm not some super hot, "look at that ass" kinda gal. I used to think that I wanted to be. Now I look at myself, and think, "god, if anybody doesn't love me for who I am, rather what I look like, I don't want them for who they are." What started my thinking about all this needless shit? I find myself thinking about these guys. Guys I would normally hear about by other people gossiping " omg, he's just ugly!" If people don't want others to think like that towards them, than how can they treat them like that? How can they do excatly what they are fighting against? I am in no way separate from these girls. That I believe is what I am most afraid of. I need a "change" in my life. A new color in my room, and new hair cut, and a new outlook. No more looking down on my life. I need to wake up from this rut and realize, I'm not defective, just to busy searching the shelves for something better, rather than using what I already have.

I had the Day From HELL! I mean, I was seconds from mental meltdown. Nothing helped. I was going to start to bawl when all of a sudden I thought...There has to be more to this life than today. Just wait until tomorrow. And if shit is still bad, than you can cry. When your all alone that is! Now as I sit here thinking about it being almost midnight.

I am in heaven! If your like me, you often find yourself...blogblocked. Well all is okay now! Here is the answer to all your prayers. A website, that works for the blogger in us all. When you run out of blogging ideas, go here, and they provide some random suggestions. Among these suggestions are things like:

What happens after you die?

Relive a really good fight with a sibling.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Strangest thing you can find on eBay.

Describe a typical Sunday morning.

Some of the most creative shit I've seen in a long time. Yep, there I go getting vulgar again.

There is a spot. A special spot...* not what your thinking...Anyway...A spot. This is where I take my pals to, hang. It's behind my house at this school, there are swing sets and little things like that. Very fun when your 18. But rather than that, there where these other people going there tonight after Rosa and I left. Kinda pissed me off. It makes it feel so much less special!

I'm just going to eat everything in the house. I'm not feeling to well right now. Maybe because in some random fit I ate two bagels with cream cheese and a piece of Cherry Cheese cake. SICK is what I am. I haven't had an appetite lately. I also have been sleeping in MASSIVE waves. Two nights ago I laid down after getting off work at 5 and slept my way into the next day at like 6. That's a nice little nap you think? Speaking of naps...I think I'm going to go take a little tiny one. I don't want to go to work! Rosa thinks they are going to ask me to close...I don't know, it would be overtime...But, I don't know.

Friend came by, I'm not feeling so Perkey anymore. Other friend was online, was not any help at all, just kinda brushed me off. Feeling like shit again. Sorry, I know that's not what your wanna hear.

I feel ya

Grow Old With You


Performed by Adam Sandler
on the Wedding Singer Soundtrack

Contributed by JBrai

Billy Idol (Speaking): Good afternoon everyone. We're flying at 26,000 feet,
moving
up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies
all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringin you some in-flight
entertainment. One of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class
passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

Robbie Hart (Singing):
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
I'll Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I'll Need you
I'll Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you


And then here's me, melting to my seat.

It just takes the words of our wonderfully anonymous commenter to make me actually laugh out loud. The wonders of the internet sometimes set me back in amazement. When it feels like the entire world is against you, you turn here, and find 50 million other worlds ready to accept your crazy ass. And to this I say, Hell yeah! I'll raise one to that!

Haha, I got me a hair cut, all is okay now. I went out, went to school, looked around and said to myself " Fuck, I am where nobody ever imagined I would be. I'm in college! I'm in a English 1A class, hello, a couple months ago I was being told I was partly retarded. I have bought my OWN car. I may not be hot and all, but at least I have a best friend who likes me because I'm me, (which I promise, isn't a uber sane popular person). I'm a haliry duff liker, grandma car driver, purse buying, and a non drinking retail kinda gal...Boring to most, but good enough to hang with the people I like. And even though I have 46 numbers in my phone book and 20 names on my IM list, I'm a loner, and I damn NEAR LOVE IT. No more of this sad days shit, it may be the hair cut talking, but when I'm less drunk on my happiness, maybe I'll come back and erase this, but until than...

There are the days when I would say life is great. But than, like today, when I look at myself, I have to take this Sigh and agree with my confidence and say " I'm not who I want to be" I'm not who I want to be, who I think I am, where I wanna be, with who I wanna be with. But than I tell myself that I am stupid, Look: I'm in college, I have a stable job, I have a working car, and look what The hell I'm blessed with! Rosa, Katie, Talon, and now my new nephew Brandon, why the hell I'm I belly aching? And than I decide to go to bed, and forfeit talking online tonight, than wake up, only to repeat it all.

You are as boring as my grandmother snoozing in an
armchair in front of CNN. JEEZ, you make
molding cheese look like an interesting
process. Please, go do something fun before you
make me yawn so much I can't catch my breath
and I die!


How boring are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You, my friend are a true individual. You most
likely hate trends and are creative. By seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange. I'm guessing you
are a lot like me. Perhaps a Good Charlotte
hater? I hope so. An inspiration to us all,
continue being you! (If you like GC, I'm sorry,
I am just expressing an opinion)


A Deeper Look Inside Yourself (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

This whole, I post and blogger replys thing, isnt working

Sublime

It's the one quick glance of something bigger and whatever your suffocating your world with, seems to disappear. It's more than confusing when you try to trick yourself into believing that you need whatever you are holding on to. Be it a life you hate, an understanding you just don't, or a job that you know you must leave. It all seems so small and unimportant as I watch my nephew squirm under the tapes view. Cute little bugger. Small little arrows to anote the 10 toes, 10 fingers, and one proclaiming " I'm a boy!" I feel, happiness. Just simple happiness. I keep thinking about the problems I'm trying to drown myself with, and the only answer I can come up with is, What the hell is your worry? Get over it, it's nothing big, shut your face, and go back to chatting it up about the jc lovers you want with Rosa!

I feel like shit. I woke up with this horrible stomach ache and it's keeping me up ever sense...Shoot me!

Im addicted to Roseanne Re-Runs. I keep watching her, observing her, admiring her. She's hilarious, and she takes life as it throws it at her. She has the man of her dreams and she doesn't let other people stop her. She has the life she wanted. She's happy. I want that. I don't care about having the money, having house, having the kids, I want the love. The love for the man, the love for the life, and the love for herself. That would be a nice little change.

So, I have this guy calling me a focker, the TV on with Roseanne blurting out covered cuss words, with me checking out the 3:00 am turn to 4:20 am and I am now just starting to yawn. SICK I tell ya, SICK

U2busse: oh my god, when we made eye contanct thru the exit at TSC, it was grand...i had the "im sooo concernend for vaness" look, and he had the "its going to be ok" look, it was *magic*

I Don't wanna

Go to work
Go to school
Get ready
Clean my room
Eat
Move

Somebody accidentally tipped me.

Rosa, Mike, and I went to see "The last samurai"
It was great. I suggest it to everybody! Read the book first though. I'm not a big fan of Tom Cruise people...I hate him actually, he took a lot from this movie. Yet, what he brought equals out to what any other actor could of brought. I even got a little tear eyed. Which isn't a big deal, because I cry at practically any movie. I NEVER used to. You would never even imagine, but now it's like " Sappy commercial? ::...Sniffle...Tear..:: and you better damn believe it!

In the words of Rosa This list shall be dubbed as the "everything and anything, about yourself, life, views, the paint on the wall.... There will 204 entries in sight of tonight being the night of 2004 and seeing as Collette and Rosa can't type that much ( Hello, we are cashiers, there is carpal Tunnel about!)
So here it is! (gunna be a long night!)
1. Collette is 18 ( Rosa is going to love this one)
2. I love purple
3. I hate cats
4. Chinese food...Is to die for!
5. First blog ever created by Collette: A life long lived
6. My favorite drink: Root beer
7. I work...At Retail on hell's wheels
8. My best friend: Rosa
9. The color on my walls: White (Ick!)
10. # of people on my Instant massager (AOL) 19
11. # of people on my phone book, 46
12. Coke, rather than Pepsi
13. Age stopped believing in Santa: 6
14. Easter bunny: Never
15: Tooth fairy: 7
16: Monsters: I will always believe!
17. Favorite color? Purple
18. # of kiss: 3 people
19. Graduated 2003
20. Screen names: 3
21: Car: Ford Taurus
22. Dream car: maroon El Camino With cream racing strip's
23. Addiction: Shopping online
24. Add: Root Beer
25. Add: Movies
26. I didn't understand what Blog stood for, for a while
27. I happen to dream about my bosses.
28. Yes I have checked out two of my bosses butts, they are nice!
My favorite words:
29. Spicy!
30. HOtt
31. Oakley Dokealy
FAV
32. Pasta
33. Bread
34. Scainda
35. Spicy foods
36. I dont like procrastanating
38. I dont like to eat fish
39. I love to fish
40. I enjoy swimming
41. I never actualy learned HOW to swim
42. I want a hair cut.
43. I can't bring myself to wear green colors
44. I dance to the music that is stuck in my head
45. My biggest fear is that one day, i will wake up, and have nobody
46. I truley am materialistic
47. I like soda
48. I miss punky brustier
49. I used to leave my door open in order to sleep
50. I cant sleep with my door open now
51. I have currently 3 windows open on my computer
52. It's a love hate relationship between me and AOL
53. I LOVE astion kutcher
54. I use noxima
55. I am addicted to punked
56. I have more than 36 pairs of pj pants.
57. I enjoy donuts
58. I am a retail horrer
59. I just waxed my face
60. Rosa snorts really loud when she laughs, (Should i tell her i used to when i was younger?)
61. When I'm alone, I make faces, well, more like exgerated expressions
62. Rosa is now on #101 well im on 63 :(
63. I really want to go to Ross
64. I can't seem to get out of this chair, and stop watching punked re-runs
65. Britney spears doesnt really have a horrible grotesk voice....maybey
66. I need to go get in the shower
67. I have stayed up untail 3am for the past week, all talking to Rosa and that Guy!
69. ....
70. It's COLLETTE, not Colliete Or collete, Or Callette COLLETTE COLLETTE, i don't really see how hard it is! Just say (Coll-Ette) just lika that!