I presume there are many things in my life I hold in a much diffrent light then that in which they first shone. I've sidelined myself in my own life. With not a great deal of understanding I have distenced me from my......self. Part of me just pushed pause waiting for that moment when I didn't feel like I was just spinning my tires.

He pushed play tonight. Porqué?

Star(s)-fish

It's seeping through my thoughts.
It's perfect. Not Perfect.
Not amazing. Completely amazing.
Completely impossible.
Possible?
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
and
over in complete Crystal amazement.

Never such an amazing person have I met.
Never such an amazing person have I lost.
Thinking about it makes me sick, not thinking about it makes me giddy, wanting it makes me think about how I can't, not wanting it makes me feel as if I will never get what I deserve and looking into his eyes...makes ME melt.

WOOOOOoooOOOOOOW!

He asked me to come over....I said " Sure" and never showed up....

Is it possible to be sick and tired of things that make you the happiest? I'm so over drinking, going out, hanging...I just want to step back and hopefully " It" will come to me. It seems like... the only things I look forwards drinking. Every week its a new argument. Every week it's a new dissapointment. Everyweek, it's me getting my hopes way up for another let down. Each week we all seem to be falling deeper and deeper into what...We all know would happen. Maybe we didn't care. Maybe they didn't think of this when they first started. Maybe he thought, " this is my way in" when in fact...he's only trying to give himself a way out. I told him that. He said I over think things. I told him he under thinks things.