So I did get dropped from that class. I spoke to the teacher and after realizing that I hadn't passed the first exam with flying colors I decided to drop. Thus no health insurance, which is nice, because I do believe I'm getting the flu. How nice. Oh, and yes, my mother did kill me. I need to move out. Not because I " hate my parents" or anything like it, I'm just nearing the end of my happiness here. I figure, pay off all my bills, pay off my car and move out. If I can accomplish that in a more timely manner than I have before...Than who's to complain, but we all know how I am on saving money!
How was training? Besides the random hot other Team Leads (Who turned out to be rude as hell!) It was just like a day in my store. Things where quite dead and I was left in charge of the Guest Service Team. Which for some reason, at the Napa Store is like 5 people! At my Santa Rosa store, it's usually 1 sometimes 2 people. So There I was, standing with these 5 Brand New Team Members. All of which I can't even pronounce their names! Jacnicuata? Something or another, LOL. So like I said, I'm trying to train them because they all where extremely fresh off of the street and wheren't even trained right. So I'll start talking to them and there where two who refused to listen to me. I spoke with them about it, and realized maybe it's not my place to be doing this at their store...So I get another team lead. I ask him if when he speaks with the two that I could be there to see how it was done...After all I'm training! So what does he do? He takes the guy outside and doesn't tell me squat! I felt like such an outsider. I would try to follow one of the team leads around, kinda as to shadow them, and he tells me to " Just....Go to guest service" Ok...So I'm training guest service. Bulllllll shiiiiiit. I dislike the idea of ever going back..Which I now have to do. I was wrong about the whole thing, I like the drive...As long as I don't get lost...However, I dislike the training...If that's what you want to call it!
Oct 7, 2004
So like I said, I'm trying to train
Oct 6, 2004
Maybe!
I feel like crap and I believe I mostly know why. I believe it's because I'm incredibly tired and I know that I wont be getting any sleep until tonight. This being because I must go to not only school today, but than over to Napa after school. Which really bites. I hate making that drive. What I'm fearing the most is the drive BACK. It's going to be @ midnight or so, pitch black, and I'll be alone. I hate driving at night let alone LATE and I'm Guessing I'll be exhausted. This really fucking sucks! I still feel sick.
Maybe it's because of school. I missed class Monday and I realize that, there's like a 10% chance that I'm going to pass this class! It pisses me off that I haven't at least tried, but I'm so far behind and between work, and school, and home, I don't think I can do it! The downsides of me dropping this class are that I will be dropped from my parents insurance. Not only that but I will be put on academic probation because I've dropped and failed more than a few classes in my years at the J.C. Than to top it all off...My mom will kill me. So what am I going to do? Look up and check when the last day to " Withdraw" a class is, maybe I haven't passed it and I can still do that. That means I can just back out and not get an f in the class. Than I'll look up ways to make up the 3 units I'm already missing. Than I'll try to convince Rosa and Heath to drive down to napa to drive back with me! Maybe!
Oct 5, 2004
One day the store will stumble upon this
Today was supposed to be the first day I was to be in the New Napa Store training for my new position. As I believe I had said before the Napa Store is new...Not like only been open for a few weeks...But as in...Opens tomorrow. So I drove my ass all the way down there only to be told to come back tomorrow. Napa from here is what makes out to be 1.5hr drive. That just pissed me off. How can the executives of such a large store not have their shit together? Oh yeah...Easy, It's Target. I forgot.
Haha, I just realized...One day the store will stumble upon this and fire my ass because I am what they would call a liar, and what I would call truthfully. We shall see.
Sorry it had to be you
I am cold all the way to my core.
I am still shaking out of pure numbness.
Why did I sit out in the middle of a park for 2hr telling Rosa how fucked up I am?
Oh yeah...because I am.
I feel better now.
I'm sorry.
Oct 4, 2004
I will learn to say NO!
It's Monday. Which means Three things.
1. I have school Today ( yet I am not going)
2. I have to go to work even though today is my day off.
3. Tomorrow I have to go to help in the Napa Store with it's opening and than for my supervisor training.
I need to get a lot of shit done today! Like getting my oil changed and than going in to work early and getting out early also! I make a promise to myself right here that I won't let my workaholic attitude keep me there more than 8 hours today. I will not let anybody else add more work than I already have to my plate and I will learn to say NO!
Oct 2, 2004
Shout...Shout....Let it out!
I'm in love! You all MUST get this Cd! He opened for Tears For Fears and I am equally impressed my his music as I was by the masters of Tears for Fears! That's a great accomplishment!
Excuse the Dust well we do some mental maintenance
It often feels like I don't have control. Every word, every movement is another cut into my sanity that ultimately drives me further into this place where all I can think of is " Getting Out" as if it where some fake place or hold, that I could slip out of into where life is perfect and real. The feeling of ultimate rage begins with words I don't mean to people whom have incompetent notions as to what is going on. This followed by the feeling like...Things need to get better or else the shit is going to hit the fan and I don't think I'll be able to pick myself up from that again. And than there's the even better feeling of " Why do I try!" because once I pick my life back up and become comfortable in the place I seem to be stuck...Things shift and I feel ill again. And that's where I am again, today, everyday, forever on or so it seems. So when you see me tomorrow, next week, never, don't bother to add to my all ready messy sense of self, just excuse me well I do some mental maintenance.
