Real friends....

Bunch of fucking JERKS! I talked about playing poker alllllll week, Saying how I wanted to play sooooo bad, and I texted everybody today, early, trying to pull something together and nobody called back. Maybe one or two texts saying they aren't going to play...and then what? A call saying they are all over playing already at another guys place, and it wasn't even them who called to tell me there was a game on. Fuck that, if they don't want me there then I wont go, but that's Fucked up.
I'm feeling like such a sucker. I'm the girl who will drive everybody every party so they could drink. I bring you lunch or dinner when I visit, I go out of my way to make you comfortable. I will take you to and from work when you need a ride. Need $20? Suuuuure. Need me to drive you around town so you can take care of what you need? Suuuure. Yeah its my day off...You need somebody to take you shift? I guess so, I had plans...But Okay! Babies sick? I'll work that 12hr shift so you don't have to come in. I hold doors open for old ladies, Give up parking spots to moms with kids and put out my cigarettes when kids pass by. Please, thank you, Yes man, No Sir, Sure, Anytime, Don't worry about it, No thank you.......you know what FUCK YOU! I'm tired of being this fucking push over. Why make myself crazy doing all this for them when you wont even acknowledge me when I am ringing you up, Let the doors slam in my face, forget to call me back, ignore my texts....blah blah blah. Can you just forget about my feelings? Forget about me? Please? Because what your doing to me is even worse and hurts Even more then slamming all the doors in the world on my face. Please and Thank you!

hola

So tired...Should be sleepin, working overnight, brownies not done yet...dammmmmmmn.

When the world ends...

Don't be jealous, I went to The Dave Matthews Concert last night and yes it was AWESOME! You forget the power of the worlds sexist man belting out touching, memzmarizing words of love.

In other news, Life has taken a turn for...the different. He's different now. I'm mad at him because he took the person, the best friend from me and made him into somebody I don't know. I'm mad because he made me feel so horrible for making him feel like I haven't told the truth and yet, he has lied to me for this entire time. Huge elaborate stories with lots of eye contact make me feel like maybe I wasn't as close to him as I had thought. I feel a lot more alone then I have before. I'm mad at him because he is making me choose between my morals and my loneliness. It will take time it will change. Yet, I'm alone until then and I will find once again there is nobody to rely on but myself. Why would you lie to ME? Anybody but ME? You loved me...At one point I could stare into your eyes and see into you and you could do the same. Money has changed you. I hate it. Not you, but the thing that has changed you into this person who is NOT who I know. I miss...maybe it wasn't you, but I miss the person I know before all this ugly got to you.

Bigfoot? That's not funny! lol

I think I slept way to much last night. I called out to work and slept all day then went to bed around 7pm-10am today....Is that possible? 15 hour? Eh, I woke up maybe once or twice but damn, this is a GREAT morning! I want grilled cheese too!

I hope you can grapple with this news.....

Took my IQ test today....yep.....Don't want to you know...Rub it in but.....Yeah...I'm genius. I mean, I'm only higher then 91% of the world...yep...Your normal mastermind. Yet...Alas...I'm still really confused about the cucumber to pickle thing...And Grapples??? HOW?????

Q

Home Safe? Fuuuuuuucccckkkk. Hot? Cold? WTF? People, honestly, just pick a road and stay there!

I'm a little bummed....

Ditched for poker....story of my life.

Collette, The next generation

Now that I am completely insane I find it fitting to start blogging again. It's been a while, I wont lie. I pretended to be together and with it, but apparently things fell back into place and life once again takes on that ominous stink of...Life.
Moving back in with my parents sometimes feels like a fresh breath, I'm getting on top of my bills, and starting to save money. Yet as I take in this fresh tide of renewal, I get a sudden sensation of suffocation. The room is getting smaller and smaller, and the doors are always locked, it's way to hot and the food is gross. Along with the need to have my own gross food is the need to grow, become me, become what I'm not.
My day dreaming has become a problem. I do nothing more then live in this alternate reality and it is because of this that I have come to realize I'm moving away from the part of me that I hate the most. I need to set a lot of things in stone right now that have been balancing in jello for a while. People's feelings and hearts are at stake right now including my own and I owe it to them and to myself to figure this out. HOWEVER, a huge part of me would just enjoy running away to a cute town full of people who also have run away from their problems and are enjoying sitting in coffee shops, reading books and avoiding talking about their real lives and trying to fulfill their daydreams. Can I run away and live on the Star ship Enterprise? Q, Take me away.

Hurts!

Among other things I hate when the spoon falls into the milk well eating cereal. I also hate being a girl and when I HAVE to go to work. Things are needing balance again and I'm not so sure this time where to get that from...

Had you known what was going to happen...would you re-meet me? July 4th, 2005 ?

What I fell in love with was the allure of your secretes. Your life was something in which I had never discovered before. Each day you break open more and more of those mystery's and in my heart, it's thrilling, exciting, and wonderful. Yet, in my mind, It feels different. You are who you are, and yet, you have lost that luster, that mystery, or un-obtainable silver. I've always known you where out of my league, but I didn't understand why. I know now it's because it takes somebody great to hold on to all that in which you have to give. You have chosen somebody who is not worthy.