It's redundant

I'm boring aren't I? I'm a boring boring person, I've started to effect not only my friends, but even myself. I accidentally locked myself out of my bedroom and It's going to take an act of god to get back in there and it's horribly killing me right now. I would like to, more than anything else right now, go to bed and curl up into a big sleeping fest that will kill me for 14 or so hours. Why can't I just be a happy person?

True eurt

Str141: new years SUCK
Kmayhem26: why
Str141: the same reason valentines isn't a day I recognize on my calendar

Tabula Rasa

I've been a long believer in the idea that life is only what we make it. I don't know how I got these ideas and where I'll ever go with them, however...These are the ideas that get me into trouble. I was the odd kid who thought a lot about things and well I may admit it here...I will never actually speak about the times when I would find it more than satisfying than to sit and watch the world. I was young when I was first captivated by my own thoughts. The ideas that I could possibly possess lend me to many years in classes that never satisfied what I was truly wondering; Where do my thoughts come from? Are people built with all that they will ever be? Or are things built from the experiences they encounter? Or are those even the makings of a life that has been built?
psychologists call it " Tabula Rasa" which means " Clean slate". It is what John Locke who first named "life in which we create". He Believed that ALL knowledge (behavior) comes from EXPERIENCE. Thinking about this, we all limit our lives in some ways. Bound by what is right and what is accepted, we all learn to tell ourselves that life is one thing or another. Looking at it truthfully, and historically I've always guessed that life was the search for happiness. Gods, spirits, angels and things of the such, all lend towards this promise, " You will be happy eternally". There are those whom don't believe in such Gods, these are the people whom please themselves on other levels. We all strive for that job that will make us rich and thus happy. We all want that family that we believe will be perfect for us. This being true...Why have we lost sight in what we want? People live lives full of pain not ever thinking... Why? Why stay doing what I don't what to do when I can do what I really want and be truly happy? I live like such. I am imprisoned in the fear between being happy and being right. In a world that will kill you if you are different, I have always lived border to what I want and where I'm going. I live in such fear my life will be paralyzed never and only affected by time.

The way it used to be

Christmas for me was yesterday. We opened presents and had some pizza. Haha, the normal Howell tradition. It was nice. What was the best for me...Was how I went to be at 12:30am ( Early for me) than woke up about...3 minutes ago at 2:20pm. Hahaha, I feel so much better now! No alarm clocks, no kids screaming, no fighting...It was nice! But my parents aren't here and I don't know where they are! I woke up to the house being cold and quiet. Not that I'm complaining because I am vegging out in front of the computer, eating candy watching the Govanator do un-humorous stunts in that retarded movie he did. I kinda miss the way things where in the olden days...Me and my sisters waking up early enough to catch the moon, making my parents coffee, opening presents, cleaning up, playing until Naps where necessary. Things change...I need to get used to that...Somehow.

Tiredness sets in...Christmas does too

Str141: Fuck
Kmayhem26: what?
Str141: i need to go shopping but i don't want to even blink at this moment

I don't like my eggs scrambled

Every time my head gets near the pillow my head seems to flood with what I did and didn't do. I try to stop all the thoughts from getting to me...But it's usually too late and it's 6am and I have to be to work in an hour anyways. It's how my family is doing, how my sister is doing, what I'm going to do about this and what I'm going to do about that...It's just me being overly sensitive to retarded things. Now I know my mind is getting like scrambled eggs and I can't even hold a full conversation...Let alone a full sentence. I feel dumb when I'm sitting there trying to talk to a person, and than I just forget what I'm saying...Than the staring off in space gets to me, but I'm almost at a point where I don't care anymore.

nnnnnnnnn

I wish I could get some sleep. I've been tired as hell lately and I think I'm finely going to have to take a day off because I'm so exhausted! I need to take my vacation hours because they are piling up. I have 50 or so vacation hours and 40 or such sick pay...Maybe I'll sleep all day tomorrow. I haven't called out in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time.

Dumbing us down

The parental flaw: " Because I said so"
Why? We are Dumbing our children down. Children can create their own language, learn 30 new tasks, learn to walk, talk and move all in 2 years...So why do we expect that they can't understand the real reasons behind things? Do yourself a favor and next time you feel yourself telling you children or just kids in general " Because I said so" ... insted,Explain yourself. If you can't come up with a reasonable answer...Than maybe that means something else.

Tell the truth!

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
( Please? Just do it? Im curious beyond words...That and it's 1am and Im BORED)

stale

I had an amazing dream last night! One that leaves me wondering what I'm going to do about it. My life has become stale...It needs what I and what I haven't done...It needs to breath. I'm going to do what any California Girl would do...Go wash my car.