I don't want to go to work...In fear that I will be bombarded with bitch ass guests again. A couple days ago at the store bar-b-q I was told I was a jealous lame ass. Not those words excatly but rather that I was " Just jealous over ##$%$# because he could do a job that I can't" um...No. The person they are talking about is a supervisor and we all know that I am not one of those. I wouldn't like to be a supervisor. Hell knows that I don't have this whole, " company image". I would just like to get paid for what I do at this hell whole. What probably hurts more is that this came from one of the higher up bosses. What a dick. He used to be so nice to me, ha, what a corporate act. I hate that! I guess you just never know.

Based soley on today: People in this state...Are insane!

Happy Birthday Rosa buddy person!

You're bubblegum!!! You love to have a good time,
and enjoy being around others who feel the same
way. You tend to be the life of the party, and
people like to be around you as much as they
can.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Do you ever feel like your lost? It feels like I'm sitting here, with no direction, no want to get my life moving, no want to continue with school, no want to go to work...I just want to sit here until something really important comes to where I want to actually move or breath again. Do you ever wonder if your entire world...Or what you perceive your life as, is all a figment of your imagination?

I'm tired of people yelling at me about not being able to get their cash back after they get gift certificates. Here is my non Target sponsored solution to this not such a big problem: certificateswap.com

I want to get a gym membership. I want to get back into wanting to go to school. I really don't want to go anymore. I don't know what I want to do, I don't know where I want to go and it's really annoying! I'm slacking on my work at school and I know it's because...I would rather be working. Is that bad? I always thought of people who dropped out as losers...But it seems to be that my feeling that way is the only thing wrong. And the news I just go leads me to wanting to just crawl in a big fat hole right now.

Just a few things tonight.
1. Roseanne Bar is my hero!
2. These things piss me off:
a) People who talk to me as if I am retarded the scum of the world
b) I hate not knowing what I am doing
C) I hate knowing more than others, and not getting reconized for it
d) I hate the fact that I watched the front lanes today all alone for 4hr and
than didn't get any real " thank you" or " good job" considering that Its
not my job.
E) I hate it when I'm trying to talk to somebody about something
important, and than they go off on some random tangent.

Considering all the greatly horrible and life altering shit that has happened in the past 4-5 hours. I am either completely numb, or way happy. At this time about a year ago, I would of been on the floor threatening my life, maybe a lot more tears than have been had tonight would of already been shed last year...But now, all in all, I think I am rather keeping my sanity. Wahwhoo for all that this matters.

For some reason, people have it in their heads that I have the perfect life. I have a car, I have a room of my own, I am in college, I have a job, I can buy things at will. People keep telling me " you just have the perfect life" haha, mo fo's. After staying up all night counseling a person on " the real light of life" I know that I'm not that perfect. My flaws aren't completely apparent but I don't care whatever they are. At this point ( it being either the fact it's 1:30am or the fact that im at this point in my life) I dont care what other people have. I do have a great car. I do have a great room...And yes, if I wanted to, I couldn't totally go out and by myself a pair of (clearenced) jeans. What gets my at this time, is excatly what I've been fighting with this person, I have been arguing that "shit, the grass is always greener on the other side...Than you get there, and it's astro turf." HELLO! Name me ONE family who has it perfect? One family who doesn't have this huge flaw? What I keep doing is looking at my life as one large mess. When in fact, it's one great slice of cake...With spots of icky icing on it. We all have shit that happens. Instead of looking at your life like it sucks...And always will. Look at in inside out, Your life is perfect and bad things happen on it. Kinda like running a track, the track being your life...It's calm and pretty, yet there are these hurdles. The hurdles take nothing away from your life, yet you spend your entire life defining it by the hurdles and let the track become a hurdle on it's own. Wither the hurdles be drugs or food, we all have them and we need to jump them as they come. There is no stacking hurdles into the side of the fence, there is no jumping one and running around the rest, there is no such thing as getting out of gym class with out running the track with the hurdles. It just doesn't excisist. You must take it as you get it and try to keep your mind on the right track. When life gives you lemons...Make lemonade and sell it to your friends bitches because your going to have a shit load of lemons okay? Just except that and you'll be okay. Alright... I think I'm a little to reved.
Now let's address this other issue I have hear. I don't have a boyfriend. Nope, non to speak of, okay? Yeah, if your like every other person I know, it's not okay with you that Im not spoken for. I am 19 years old...And I have never been on a date. Am I out there looking...? Not especially. Do I really really want a boy right now? No. But yet, my parents, my sisters, my friends, my COWORKERS! All keep up on it. Come to think about it...I don't think I would talk to most of the people I do, if it where'nt for the fact that they want to see me get hooked with a boy in the very soon future. Every sentence begins with: " So are you going to tell..." Tell who what? Sure there are the people that I think are attractive, or whom I think are interesting...But am I out for the hunt and kill? No, Where do I have time for a boyfriend? Where do I have time for friends actually! Rosa and I barely have hanging out time. Im always on my way to school or just coming back from work. I know Im busy when Our hanging out time turns into me running small errands all night, " Hey lets go to the store!" we have fun sure, but it's still me working in a sense. So I have to have Rosa around for my sanity. I have to work and go to school...Where would I fit in a boyfriend? I want to go out, hang out with my boyfriend's friends. I want to bar-b-q and go hiking, Go on double dates and watch super bowel together...But I can't do any of that now. Now I have to work. And yes, I would make time if I had a boy...But I don't and it's the entire process that I don't want to take on at a time like this. My real question is WHY? Why do so many people want to see me paired up? Why is it so important? For the few friends that I do have that are already paired, they disappear is it is. I don't want to be that person. You get a partner, and you fall off the face of the friends world. Nobody can be blamed for that, they always say it's not going to happen, yet it does. But why are people so ready to set me up with their brothers and friends? With the boy I used to like, with the guy I said was cute? And why does everybody assume that I am either insane or stupid when I say " I don't want boyfriend" Who wouldn't want warm fuzzy feelings? I'm not opposed to fuzzy feelings, I am opposed to getting in a relationship with somebody I don't care for and having to do a bunch of stuff with that I don't really think matters. That's why there is so much divorce in this world. PEOPLE: It's okay to be a alone...(so says collette, your wonderful collections leader). Um, yeah...I have work very early tomo...Today. I think I should stop all this raving well Im not to far behind. Night.